“But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Luke 6:27
Love them? Really? Pray for them?
In his book, “Forgive for Good”, Dr. Fred Luskin lists 11 definitions of what forgiveness is and 7 definitions of what forgiveness is not.
In her book, “Forgiving the Unforgivable”, Beverly Flanigan, MSSW, defines how betrayal of people we trust shatter our core beliefs and concept of right and wrong and create unforgivable injuries.
Dr. Klimes in his work on forgiveness has identified 5 steps for “Granting the Gift of Forgiveness.”
There is more and more research and researchers who have written about forgiveness as a necessary ingredient for emotional, physical and spiritual health.
Unforgiveness creates a destructive force in our lives. Within its tenets we find hatred, rage, and revenge – all corrosive and self-destructing emotional reactions to life.
Research studies show that “forgiveness leads to less stress” and fewer health problems. When we fail to forgive, that unforgiveness may be a greater risk factor for heart disease than hostility.
My sister – not by blood, but by a bond forged over the years.
Sometimes we are fortunate in that God gives two people a heritage that goes beyond blood, and we can truly call ourselves sisters.
Through thick and thin – good times and bad – I know I can depend on her to be there – for support – for physical assistance – someone who never thought twice to fly all the way from England to be with me when my husband was dying.
We were a foursome – with husbands who were just as good friends as we were. Coming home for summer breaks, they would walk in the door and we continued our conversation as though it were yesterday instead of two years.
Our lives though lived apart most of the time, was entwined by common threads that took us beyond the everyday and mundane to something special and extraordinary.
How do you write a review of a book so full of information that it is hard to know where to begin. Undivided Heart, Bridging my Relationship with Myself, Others and God is such a book.
Cover Front Book 2While full of information that each of us needs and can use, it is written in a simple style, easy to follow and understand.
It is a boon to those who are tactile and visual as Diana has taken complex, concrete concepts and has reduced them to an everyday language we can use and understand.
It opens up the mysteries of emotions and helps us explore our values and the conflicts we encounter when we are conflicted about them. She helps us explore the places in our life where we have gotten stuck; those moments when we struggle to believe in God and ourselves.
Every life story has those moments of hurt and pain and misunderstanding. In her seven step approach, Diana helps us bridge a relationship with ourselves which can then led to bridging that communication with God and others.
Every once in a while a door opens from our past and allows us to revisit friends and colleagues and experience once again good times from an earlier period in our life even if it is at an otherwise sad occasion.
One of my husband’s college band students had died and I went to Portland over the weekend to attend the memorial service. It was soon evident that this was more than just a memorial – it was a celebration of this talented young man’s life: by family, peers, and past teachers. CCC band Hawaii 002 001
Musicians have a camaraderie and bond shared in their love and expression of music. Mark was an excellent trumpet player, band teacher and administrator. In commemoration of Mark’s life in music, a group of 10-12 musicians played at the beginning and middle of the memorial service.
LeRoy’s band 001At the reception afterwards, 17 jazz musicians formed a band and played the music they loved: the big band sounds of the 40’s and 50’s. It was a celebration of the love they share as musicians. They played for the joy of it in the moment and in remembrance of those no longer with us.
“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
Mahatma Gandhi (1869 – 1948), (attributed)
“How dare she!” – “That was mean” – “That’s it – it’s over.” – “How could he do that to me”
Someone has wronged us or betrayed us. Anger rises. It simmers in our thoughts as we contemplate our revenge: “Just wait” – “I’ll get even with you”.
And we repeat to ourselves over and over again the injustice of the situation, of how we were treated and why we didn’t deserve it. Our expectations, whether appropriate or not, have been trampled.
Now we continue that pain as we replay over and over again what was done to us. As we continue to stoke the flames of anger, hurt, and betrayal, we soon have a raging furnace inside of us, our stomach churning into hard knots; yet we feel chilled to the bone. Each time we re-play the events, we become more victimized and traumatized. Each time we review the offence, our desire for revenge gets stronger and stronger.
The clock shatters the peace of the quiet, early morning. It is 4:00 and dark. The wind is howling. You want to snuggle deeper under the blankets. But you dutifully crawl out of your warm, cozy bed onto the cold floor and quickly get dressed. Grabbing a bite, you are out the door.
No. You aren’t the milkman going to work in the wee hours of the morning. You are 8 or 9 years old. Some are as young as 4 or 5. You are newspaper boys, on your way to pick up the merchandise you will deliver. As you reach the drop off site of the bundled papers dropped off in the wee hours of the morning by delivery trucks, you don’t have time to think about how cold it is. It is your job to cut the wire or twine holding the bundles together, roll them into deliverable bundles, stuff them in your large bags, get on your bikes and start delivering. When snow and ice prohibit the use of bikes, you walk or use sleds. You are little merchants, as Sandra Walker calls them in her wonderful book, “Little Merchants, the Golden Era of Youth Delivering Newspapers”.
Everyone sees the world differently. What “stresses” one person out may be another person’s excitement and enthusiasm for life.
When we share family stories with our siblings, we are often surprised at how differently each person growing up in the same household interpreted family dynamics and what their goals and aspirations were.
We are shaped and molded by our life experiences. We develop core beliefs about what we can and cannot do and how we perceive the world.
But despite their influence, we have the ability to change negative and self-defeating perceptions and re-direct our lives.
Have you ever wondered whether people actually have experienced miracles and the protection of God in life and death situations? Have you ever wondered whether prayers are answered when the answers to those prayers could only have come from the intervention by a loving God? Have you ever wondered if God is real and cares about us very much?
“It’s A God Thing”, is a collection of stories by real people who have experienced God’s protection, comfort, healing, provision, and everyday miracles. It is a collection of 42 real life events in which people have experienced the love of God – those moments in time that have no explanation for what has happened except for some intervention by a caring God.
Real people. Real Life. Real Grace. A new start after a colossal failure. Reconciliation with a son that had stormed out of the house years ago. Complete recovery when the doctors said there was nothing else they could do. A broken marriage restored. A moment of absolute joy, even when storms were raging all around. Big moments. Small Moments.
Properly channeled, stress enables us to live happy, energetic, productive lives. It allows us to set goals, meet dangers and defend ourselves.
Life is not perfect.
Just as there will be times when we will experience incredible joy and happiness, there will be times when we will experience high, extreme levels of stress because of unexpected tragedies, adversities, and losses that severely impact every aspect of our lives.
At such times, we will feel anxiety, worry and fear. The more overwhelmed we are in such circumstances the more helpless, hopeless and depressed we can become.
Our bodies were made to deal with stress
So, if we were made to handle all kinds of stress, should be concerned?
You had been sound asleep, but now bolt upright, wide awake, heart pounding wildly in your chest. You strain to hear any further sounds beyond the thumping of your heart.
Just as you get ready to lie back down on your pillow after reassuring yourself that you must have been dreaming, you hear another sound that shouldn’t be happening in the house at this time of night.
Any intentions of going back to sleep are forgotten. You are fully awake; your body on high alert, in anticipation of whatever threat is there. Just as if you had opened your front door and came face to face with a snarling tiger, your brain has registered danger.
In the blink of an eye your heart, circulatory system, adrenal glands, stomach, intestines, kidneys, liver, brain – in fact almost every organ in your body has been activated in some way with hormones and chemicals to meet this danger. Your hands feel clammy, your feet cold and fear has created a hard knot in the pit of your stomach.