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Threads of Life

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Threads of Life | focuswithmarlene.com

I wish all of you a Happy New Year, with prayers and best wishes for a blessed 2021. I want to begin this year with a new series entitled Threads of Life.

Throughout our lifetime, we are weaving together the threads of our existence. Those threads are all around us – ready to be woven into a tapestry that shares our story and defines who we are. We choose how we weave them together. We are the designers.

Developing a life of meaning, purpose, and joy

I have been reviewing the stories and blog posts I have written or used in presentations about ways you can enrich your life, find comfort in your losses, and overcome what might seem like impossible odds.

Spiritual Gifts to Guide You After Christmas

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Spiritual Gifts to Guide You After Christmas | focuswithmarlene.com

Christmas: a shining star – a break from the tedious schedules in which we find ourselves. A time to gather and connect with friends and family.

But Christmas is more than a nice diversion – a blip on the radar screen of our hectic lives.

  • For a moment in time we escaped drudgery, pressures, anxiety, and uncertainties.
  • For a moment in time we humbly knelt before the Christ Child whose birthday we celebrate.
  • For a moment in time we laid down our heavy burdens of doubt and fear and unanswered questions and savored the blessings of Christmas.

Gifts of Christmas: Love, Hope, and Peace

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Peace | focuswithmarlene.com

This has been a difficult year with the COVID-19 pandemic, lockdowns, the inability to meet with each other, give hugs, and share concerns of the day.

We have learned to use more technology to operate our businesses and hold group meetings. We have driven up to our churches and stayed in our cars to listen to our pastors speak or we have listened to sermons on YouTube.

We have had groceries delivered and become familiar with masks. We have prayed and reached out to each other in the safest way possible.

It has been a surreal world – one in which we struggle to create a sense of normalcy. We are even learning how to sing as a choral group, rehearsing without gathering together in a group.

Getting to Know You

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Adjust Your Focus: Reframe Your Circumstances | FocusWithMarlene.com

When we meet someone new, we say, Hi, my name is_____________, and start a conversation.

As that conversation continues, we gradually get to know one another. So, for those who are new followers of my blog and podcast, I would like to formally introduce myself.

Hi, I am Marlene Anderson and I write and speak on how you can take advantage of any challenge, turning it into something positive and meaningful. (You can learn more about me on my website About page and Speaking & Workshops page.)

As a former licensed counselor and college teacher, I share my training and life experiences, offering strategies to help you tackle life’s challenges. These become a toolbox of approaches that can be used to combat fear and anxiety, recognize and solve problems, and take charge of your life.

How to Make Stress Work for You

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Make Stress Work For You by Marlene Anderson | focuswithmarlene.com

If you find yourself struggling to get out of bed in the morning, anxious about the day awaiting you, you are not alone. We are living in a time of great uncertainty, which causes stress levels to escalate.

Anxiety and fear take center stage, and we struggle to find ways to make life normal again. Often the symptoms are so devastating, it becomes harder and harder to identify the underlying problems.

When our ability to think is compromised, our ability to find resolutions is compromised.

When we try to cope without identifying the underlying core issues, we end up going round and round in circles. Stress levels not only continue to escalate but remain high day after day.

Learning to Live Again in a New World

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Before the year ends, I want to summarize the two books I wrote that were the focus of my blog and podcast. This week, I share some of the highlights from my book, Learning to Live Again in a New World, which was released in January 2020. My blog posts and podcast episodes through June reflected the ways we can work through grief and begin to rebuild our lives.

When my husband died, the world as I knew it came to an end. I wrote about that ending and early days of grief in my first book, A Love So Great, A Grief So Deep, sharing the pain of losing someone I loved with my whole heart.

Four Catastrophic Traps Couples Fall Into

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Four Catastrophic Traps Couples Fall Into | focuswithmarlene.com

Everything was going so nicely, and then life stepped in. There’s not enough money to pay the bills, the credit card debts are piling up, in-laws intrude with too many visits or too much advice, to keep my job I have to work longer hours and accomplish more.

Suddenly we find ourselves arguing more – tempers flare, anger rises beyond the norm, and the blame game begins. We go outside our marriage to talk about our spouses and get consolation, validation, sympathy, and support.

And the scene is set for more serious troubles.

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman lays out in a practical format the seven principles for making marriage work, based on years of research and study in his Seattle based clinic, The Gottman Institute.

12 Ways to Promote Good Communication

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

12 Ways to Promote Good Communication | focuswithmarlene.com

Communication is a skill that is learned and developed over time. When we recognize what isn’t working, we can replace it with something that will work.

We communicate all the time. We cannot not communicate. With our facial gestures, postures, words, or attempts to change the other person, we need to know how to become the type of communicator who respects ourselves and others.

Knowing yourself is vital in becoming a good communicator.

You need to know what triggers your stress buttons or emotional upsets, your fears of being hurt or looking stupid. Finding ways of dealing with adversity are often hidden from you until you are willing to accept yourself unconditionally, with both the good and the bad. When you feel okay to face your vulnerabilities you are taking charge of your interactions and your life, and that is reflected in your conversations.

That’s Not What I Meant: 6 Tips to Improve Your Communication

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

That’s Not What I Meant | focuswithmarlene.com

“But you said. . . ”
“No, I didn’t. . . ”
“Yes, I heard you say. . . ”
“Well, that’s not what I meant!”

And so, it goes – round and round and round and we end up with two angry people who continue to find ways to attack, defend and destroy each other.

Anger builds as each continues to dig in their heels and insist they are right, and the other is wrong. You probably have had such conversations or have witnessed them. Discussions at this point soon move into the blame game:

“You always try to pin the blame on me. If you were here instead of out golfing, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Oh, and how about you – out shopping again.”

The conversation has gone beyond misunderstanding and name calling.

Relationships Under Stress

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Relationships Under Stress | focuswithmarlene.com

 So many things that contribute to high levels of stress in today’s world. Not having a job, home schooling while maintaining a job, unexpected financial concerns, trimming our budgets to bare bones, travel restrictions, and the inability to enjoy social functions, are but a few.

When the cares of the day max our ability to cope, we find that those high levels of stress can make it harder to maintain positive relationships.

We know that anxiety levels can dramatically rise as optimism flies out the window and worry about our future takes over. Anger, guilt, and shame are quickly activated. Learning to calm ourselves through slow, even breathing whenever stress levels rise is imperative.