Writing about our stories helps us see what happened, and our role in the outcome, from a new perspective. It also gives us the opportunity to take away nuggets of learning and wisdom.
Yet, there might be things that happened that make it difficult to let go and that continue to spark your anger. You still feel betrayed and taken advantage of.
Forgiveness is out of the question as far as you are concerned and you are not ready to acknowledge any participation on your part to what happened.
Resentments continue to burn deep within your soul and spirit and an internal dialogue repeats, “I have a right to feel angry and bitter. I was taken advantage of and made to feel stupid. If I simply accept and let it go, won’t I be admitting that I really am a fool? How can I come to terms with that?”
The words we repeat over and over again have an emotional effect on us. They can hold us hostage to everything that is going wrong. When things go well, our stories are upbeat and hopeful. When life takes a downturn, so does our narrative. The focus shifts to what we lost and how miserable we feel.
Step out of the emotional arena, take a deep breath and think about the possibilities you have. Change your narrative from what you can’t do to what you can.
Here are seven ways you can change a pessimistic narrative to an optimistic one.
Become aware of what you say to yourself.
Unexpected catastrophes and setbacks due to illness or losses result in drastic changes. Our first reaction is feeling overwhelmed and helpless.
At any moment in time within a normal day, things can happen that can disrupt your day. But we can learn valuable insights during such times.
Such an event occurred to me that was a profound teachable moment. It illustrates how a frustrating and irritating moment can teach us valuable lessons. Here is my story.
I was washing clothes, preparing for our family to leave the following day on a camping trip. The water flow going into my washing machine was exceedingly slow. I had been improvising by attaching a hose from my laundry tub faucet to my washing machine to fill it.
When the phone rang in our office, I didn’t bother to shut off the faucet thinking I would only be a minute. But the call was a business call that took more time than anticipated.
Several years ago, I did an interview with Stephanie Hill Williams, a Christian radio station host. Before the interview, I was given a set of questions to preview that would be used in our discussion. They included my childhood years, family, career goals and my aspirations as a writer and speaker.
This interview made me pause and think about who I am, what in my upbringing helped me achieve and what things continue to make me struggle. We rarely stop to consider who we are because we are too busy living life.
When facing difficulties, all the negative attributes we have placed on ourselves rush to the front and center of our thinking. We forget all the productive things we have done.
When you were little, life was exciting. Those first tentative steps as a toddler soon became an adventure as you ran around exploring your world. Before long, you were enrolled in kindergarten, then grade school, high school and on to college.
Excited about all the possibilities, you set out to conquer the world.
Then life hit. Others got the jobs you wanted. College debts mounted and your first paychecks barely covered the rent. Relationships you thought would last ended with bad feelings and the hope for marriage and family evaporated.
Each time we get knocked down, it becomes harder and harder to get up. The goals and aspirations we had are abandoned.
To complete this segment on setting and completing goals, I have listed five important considerations that can help you succeed with your plans.
5 Important Essentials Needed to Make Goals Successful
1. Goals are easy to make – they are not easy to complete.
We have lofty ideals and aspirations that rarely include the reality of how we will complete them.
Review your “what I want” list and eliminate items that are “wishes” which you are unwilling to commit to action.
Add to this list some personal development goals, such as becoming kinder and more understanding, a willingness to listen instead of rushing to judgment or discovering something to be grateful for every day.
Like you, I have made many goals. Some were completed but many others were not.
As I think about the goals I want to make for this upcoming year, I am challenged to ask, what made the difference between success and failure with past goals? Why did I abandon some but not others?
In reflection, I think one of the most important reasons was because I hadn’t been specific enough in defining my goal. To be specific you need to know what you want, why you want it and must be willing to work to achieve it.
So much of what we do is due to a moment’s desire: if I had such and such or could do such and such I would be happy.
Why should we bother with goals if we so seldom complete or accomplish them?
Every January we start a new year – a new beginning – making goals we think we will keep but seldom do. I am no exception. As I thought about what I want to accomplish by the end of 2019, I reflected on past times when I had succeeded with my goals. What did I…
Love: It seems we use it so casually, almost superficially – sometimes even flippantly. We often demean or reduce it to levels of lustful desire.
God: we exploit Him for our own purposes –throw Him in the trash can when we are no longer interested – group Him together with all the superficial little gods we create to make us feel good.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son to die for us.”
In this simple statement, God and love come together in a comprehensive understanding. We are told exactly what kind of love God is offering us: one that is solemn and significant enough that it will die for us. People are being killed today in the name of some god. But would a god of hate die for us? I don’t think so.
When I write or speak about picking up the pieces of our lives, I share my own personal life experiences of hope as well as examples from scripture and science.
Throughout the Bible, we read stories of God interacting with His people where faith, hope, and trust are played out. Within science, we know that the thoughts we dwell on will have an impact on us mentally, physically and spiritually.
Hope can change the chemistry in the body.
Hope says there is the possibility of something good happening. It is not only a belief but a feeling that “something desirable” might happen. Without hope, we give up or find ourselves repeating the words made popular in a song of the ’60s that said, “Is this all there is”?
When we are encouraged, we gain confidence. Within confidence, we find courage.