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Our Ability to Create

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Not everybody feels they have the ability to create.

I disagree. I believe we all have the ability to construct something positive from whatever materials we have to work with.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth . . .

—Genesis 1:1

When we look up at a star-studded sky or watch the first rays of the sun rise above the curve of the earth or stop to appreciate a panoramic stunning display of clouds colored by a setting sun, we are silenced and awed by the beauty we see. It is God’s masterpiece revealed to us every day in some way.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness . . .”

—Genesis 1:26

And then God breathed into his nostrils the breath of life . . .

—Genesis 2:7

Did we receive some of that ability to create when God breathed life into us?

I believe we did. Okay, not everyone can create great cathedrals with spires rising to the sky or intricate carvings or giant monuments.

But every day we are creating something of importance.

We are creating relationships as we reach out to one another with care and concern.

We are creating tolerance as we look at one another as individuals with the same troubles and worries as we do.

We are creating safe and warm environments within our homes where our children know they are loved.

Are these not as important creations as towering skyscrapers or driverless cars or phones that talk to you?

Molding a lump of clay

A number of years ago, I attended a weekend course on art therapy. The teacher was an art therapist who used different forms of art expression to help clients work through grief and loss.

We were given a lump of clay and told to shape and mold it according to how we felt.

It wasn’t important how it looked. What was important was that we allowed ourselves to use the clay as an expression of what we were feeling and experiencing.

As a therapist myself, it was intriguing to see what people could do and how something as simple as molding clay could not only be healing but create amazing meaning.

At the end of our weekend course, our teacher showed us slides of art her clients had done in her art therapy classes. There were collages and quilts and wall hangings that were stunningly beautiful, as well as molded objects.

I doubt any of her clients would have considered themselves an artist. But out of their hearts and souls, they gave themselves permission to express who they were at that moment in time.

Children allow their instincts to create to come out in their play. Clay and crayons and building blocks become tools for their imagination.

The same instincts that are in children are the same creative instincts that are in all of us. We just need to release them.

To create means to bring into existence.

Give yourself permission to be creative in how you structure your day, design your garden, try a new recipe, play with your children or grandchildren, or how you might help a neighbor in need.

Find creative ways to reach out to those who are hurting.

Create a way to bring about healing from division. What will it take to bring your family together again?

Perhaps it is creating time to show expressions of love. Tell that child what a great job they did in drawing their dog or Mom or Dad.

Ask them about the clay images they have made or the towering building they have built with blocks.

Ask an elder what they experienced in life and encourage them to share their life stories. You will discover not only the triumphs they have made in difficult situations and how they created a life out of nothing, but what they learned in the process.

If you have a creative flair with flower arrangements, share it with others.

If you have a creative flair for writing, write.

Join an art class or writing group. You may surprise yourself.

Allow yourself to be you: unique – creative and special. And encourage others to use their creative talents.

I do not know what you were handed in life to work with. But I do know that God has given each of us the ability to take that inner spark of creativity and build on it.

We can take whatever we are given and create something positive from it.

Rebuilding

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What does it take to build a cathedral?

Or to turn your home or business into a piece of art, distinctive and unique, but inviting?

And when wars or flood waters smash and destroy what you have built, how do you take the remains and rebuild?

What does it take to start over? What would be different? What would be the same?

On a trip I took overseas a number of years ago, I went on a river cruise. As we visited towns and cities, guides took us to see spectacular and colossal churches, buildings, and bridges that had either survived or were rebuilt after wars.

Pictures on walls reminded us of the bombs that turned buildings into mounds of rubble.

And then as we walked around these cities and bridges that had been rebuilt – sometimes resembling the original – sometimes with modifications – we could only marvel.

Wars not only destroy buildings, but also lives.

There are times when our lives resemble a war zone, with competition, rivalry, hostilities, and conflicts spinning out of control, leaving us feel like a casualty on a battlefield.

We know that cities and bridges can be rebuilt, but how can our lives be rebuilt? What do we do when our expectations are trashed and the world we thought we would have forever no longer exists?

It’s then we ask,

“How do I begin again? What is the first step I need to take? Can this be an opportunity to build something even better and more durable and rewarding? If so, where do I start?”

Resilience

The human spirit is incredible. We can accomplish so much more than we ever thought we could. We can recover from the worst tragedy and move on. We are resilient.

Our imaginations can create plans to build the most intricate and beautiful structures and statues and emblems of faith and hope.

Rise up and rebuild

History teaches us that even when such creations are destroyed, people rise up and rebuild. We see the results of that all over Europe. Can we not envision the same for ourselves when our lives have been broken or smashed?

Sorting through the wreckage of a life that has been tattered, torn, and left in shreds, it might seem that there is nothing that can be saved. Tragedies, losses, and huge life upsets are like that. They are never easy to work through.

But what I have found in my own life is that when everything seems to have been turned inside out and upside down, that is when I discover some amazing things:

  • I learn I have more resilience than I ever thought.
  • I learn that my imagination can create new and wonderful ways to do things, even better than before. I can take old dreams and make them come alive.
  • I discover I am more competent than I thought, and confidence begins to grow.
  • I learn to trust in God, accept His wisdom and strength, and turn to others for any help I need.
  • I learn to accept responsibility for myself, my choices, and my actions.

It is where I can really grow.

It is in just such circumstances where I finally became honest and genuine. I have accepted my weaknesses, along with my strengths. It is where I came to realize what is really important and valuable in life.

No matter how many times I read or hear about ways we can improve or recover from a major loss or marriage, I have found it helpful to hear it again – perhaps in a new way – perhaps as a reminder when the going gets tough.

Yes, I can!

Each time I look at the pictures I took during my river cruise in Europe, I am reminded of the grandeur, work, diligence, and determination it took for people who lived during that period of time and earlier. To build anything requires a “Yes I can” attitude and a willingness to try and work to reach our goal.

Now it’s time to apply those same principles to my life.

I can pick up the pieces I need, develop a new design, and make the choices necessary to take the stones of the past and rebuild them into something longer-lasting.

Where to begin

Ask yourself honestly what it is you want to do – to become – to live.

When you have answered that basic question, move on to the next one: What obstacles would I face?

Then ask, “What steps do I need to take to reach my goal?

Knowing what you want isn’t always as simple as it seems. But only you can answer that.

As you reflect and explore, you will discover some old dreams are no longer important, and what you need at this time in life is different than when you first entered the world. In reflection, you can both add and eliminate.

Take the time to explore where you want to go, what you want to do and who you want to become at this time in your life.

What it Means to Love

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Love. We use the word so casually – almost superficially – sometimes even flippantly.

“I just love this dress!”

“I love chocolate ice cream.”

“Don’t you just love those people?”

We use the word so glibly, and in the process, often reduce it to levels of lustful desire or small talk.

But what does it mean to love?

“I love my spouse. I love my kids. I love . . .”

How do we express that love that we profess? How does the other person know we really love them and aren’t just repeating words?

We say we love God, but often we simply exploit Him for our own purposes. We throw Him in the trash when we are no longer interested or group Him together with all the other superficial gods we create to make us feel good.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son to die for us.”

—John 3:16

In the Bible verse quoted above, love brings together God and our world. Yet people don’t want to be reminded of God. Or, they believe that if He existed, He certainly wasn’t a God of love but one of punishment and stern reckoning.

Yet scripture tells us He loves us so much He would die for us. People are being killed every day in the name of some god. But would a god of hate die for us? I don’t think so.

Scripture gives us a more detailed definition of love in St. Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails . . .”

—I Corinthians 13:1, 4-8a, NIV

Love: We have diminished it – tarnished its value, while desperately clinging to the hope that we are wanted, needed, and loved.

We need to both receive and give love. We cannot live without it. Here are some meanings for love. Add to the list what love means to you.

Love

  • Gives.
  • Reaches out.
  • Lifts up.
  • Cares.
  • Sacrifices.

Love

  • Listens.
  • Is patient.
  • Forgives.
  • Offers grace, mercy, and understanding.

Love

  • Needs others.
  • Sets boundaries.
  • Is never cheap.
  • Is given freely – cannot be earned.
  • Offers purpose and meaning.

Love is a gift. No payment required.

In fact, if we have to pay for it, it no longer is love. It has lost its value; it is diminished. The gift of love cannot be bought or bartered for or earned in any way. It is just that – a gift.

We can’t manufacture love or find it in our halls of justice or science labs. Love is a gift freely given.

We often associate the value of a gift with how much it costs. The higher the cost of sacrifice made by the giver, the more value it has to the receiver. When the son of God died for us on the cross, that was the greatest sacrifice of all.

We all want to be loved.

It is a need as necessary as the air we breathe and the water we drink. Who wouldn’t want love in their life?

I love people. I love the interaction, the give and take, the sharing of suggestions and ideas.

I love hearing their stories. I don’t always agree, and I don’t condone behaviors that are destructive or hurtful to others.

But if we begin with the premise that we are all imperfect, we can extend grace to get to know others better and seek to understand where they are coming from. In the process, we set appropriate boundaries and remain firm about them.

So often we think we can only care for someone when they love or care about us first. But if we want to find ways to share and receive love, we need to be willing to reach out, listen, be patient, and forgive when necessary.

Caring begins with little steps.

We do it without asking for anything in return. It is a belief – a principle we live by – to love rather than to hate.

Hate destroys.

Love opens the doors to understanding and reconciliation.

Turn Your Gravel Pit into a Beautiful Life Garden

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A gravel pit is created when bulldozers and huge earth-scooping machinery remove the earth to extract gravel and other ingredients needed to build roads, make cement, and gather building rocks, etc.

After the earth is removed, what remains is a huge scarred and pitted hole in the ground with unstable and crumbling sides, water seepage from underground springs, stagnant pools of rainwater, discarded pieces of rock, and other unusable mounds of earth.

You’ll almost always find scattered debris, discarded by individuals who consider this a worthless piece of land; a place to throw away pop cans, beer bottles and candy wrappers.

What do you do with old gravel pits that have outlived their use?

Well, one lady who had the skeleton remains of a large gravel pit in her backyard decided she would find a way to turn it into something beautiful.

The Birth of Butchart Gardens

In the late 1800s, Robert Butchart began excavating limestone from a quarry behind the home where he and his wife, Jennie, lived. He used it to manufacture Portland cement in a factory he built at Todd Inlet on Vancouver Island. When all the limestone was extracted, all that remained was a huge, ugly, expansive hole in the ground.

But Jennie was not willing to let it lay there discarded, ugly, and debased. With the help of architects and landscapers, topsoil from neighboring farmland was brought in and a beautiful design created.

Paths were designed, ponds dug, trees and shrubs and hundreds of blooming plants planted. Leftover rocks were strategically placed in new locations, enhancing the gardens.

And so began the stunning reversal of desecrated land that today is known for its spectacular beauty.

What was once an ugly and desolate pit is now a beautiful sunken garden whose paths wind around serene ponds of water where ducks and swans float between lily pads and tree branches gently caress the water’s edge.

Artfully placed flowers, shrubs, and trees draw you into a world of beauty and a panoply of color. At night, thousands of strategically placed lights turn it into a fairyland.

The world-famous Butchart Gardens is visited by thousands of tourists from around the world every year. What was once an uninviting and inhospitable place has now been turned into a showcase. In fact, it is so spectacular that people come to see the exquisite beauty and splendor throughout the year, during every season.

While this is a nice success story, what has it got to do with us?

We can use this same analogy with our lives. Many people feel their lives have been torn up and left violated and sullied.

What remains are giant holes, unstable lifestyles, underground seepage of toxic messages, and huge boulders of doubt and shame that keep them blocked, unable to move forward with a perception that their life holds little worth or value.

Our Personal Gravel Pits

Everyone has elements of a gravel pit.

There may have been violence or abuse in our homes, tragic and lonely childhoods, or just careless living.

Within our gravel pits we find old losses that have not been grieved and messages from the past that continue to poison our self-esteem and worth. The walls of our heart resemble the scars from claws of the digger that scooped out our core values.

Pools of disasters, calamity, and catastrophe continue to leach into our hearts and rob us of joy. We build sturdy walls or fences around our pits so nobody can see our feelings of shame.

And we are left feeling desolate, abandoned, lost and lonely.

In our attempts to reconstruct the pieces of our lives, we often get overwhelmed so we give up and believe that life will always be an ugly gravel pit.

We don’t talk about our pits because we don’t want people to see our ugly side and reject us.

We run away or deny our past because it makes us feel repulsive and flawed.

But even while we try to distance ourselves from it, it continues to sneak up on us and impact everything we do.

When we identify and understand how events can leave us feeling scarred and flawed, we need to also understand it is not a place where we have to stay.

Turn Your Gravel Pit into a Beautiful Life Garden

Just as Mrs. Butchart took the gravel pit in her backyard and created a world-renowned garden, so we can take our lives full of pain, disillusionment and broken dreams and turn them into places of comfort and joy and beauty.

We can turn unattractive and hopeless situations into satisfying, productive and pleasing futures.

We don’t scrap it – we use it.

It becomes the backbone – the template for a new beautiful garden of hope, light, joy, energy and strength.

Where do we begin such a daunting project?

The same place Mrs. Butchart did. She didn’t cover up the hole; she used it as a springboard. If she had just filled the hole with dirt, it would not be the beautiful place it is today.

It takes a vision and a desire to examine our pits and remove rubble and contaminated waste.

It takes insight to see that what was once an unwanted rock or obstacle can now be turned into a piece of art.

It takes a vision, a blueprint, and a willingness to take that first baby step.

Turn your gravel pit into a beautiful garden. You can do it!

Moving Through the Seasons of Life

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“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven; a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…”

—Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (The New Oxford Annotated Bible)

Ecclesiastes describes moving through the seasons of life so succinctly. Throughout life, we will experience different seasons, with their unique expectations, challenges, and rewards. Each of the four seasons – winter, spring, summer, and fall – offers something distinctive for us to enjoy.

In spring, we marvel at the tiny green shoots rising out of a still, cold earth to become wonderful flowers. Leaves appear on trees.

As summer unfolds, flowers are in full bloom and gardens are producing food for our table.

As autumn takes over, the leaves of trees begin to change to beautiful colors of red, yellow, and orange. Eventually those leaves fall to the ground and become compost for another season.

And with winter, mounds of snow form beautiful shapes, covering and hiding what lies below.

Each season has its own revealing features and beauty. Each season has its opportunities and variations.

Human seasons

Just as the world goes through seasons, we also go through seasons – from early childhood to adulthood, to middle age and old age – maneuvering through the challenges of creating, building, and letting go as we transition from one season to another.

It can be difficult to let go of something we are enjoying, like the nice warm days of summer that will be replaced with rain and possible snow.

We don’t want to give up one to gain the other.

We want life – not death.

We want laughter and joy, not weeping and mourning.

Yet both are necessary in order to live life to the fullest.

After the death of my husband, I went from a season of being happily married to a widow struggling to move on. That change of season involved a major unwanted move and the need to begin again – start a new life – a new season.

Whenever you suffer a major loss, you are not only working through grief, but struggling to create a new identity and way forward.

Learning to Live Again in a New World, by Marlene Anderson | focuswithmarlene.comIn my book, Learning to Live Again in a New World, I wrote about entering that new season in my life. As I shared my personal story, I also shared my training as a cognitive behavioral therapist that helped me live again. I wrote,

“Learning new skills requires determination, struggle, and hard work. It seems at times that we are pushing and pushing that proverbial stone and it doesn’t move. But then, one morning, we wake up and find ourselves sitting on top of it! We haven’t moved it; we haven’t gone around it; we have climbed to the top and are on our way over and beyond!”

I believe it is only when we go through major struggles that we discover who we are. When we’re mentally, emotionally, and spiritually wounded, we often retreat from the world to find solace and direction. But to continue with life, we cannot stay there; we have to move back into the world.

In our retreat and solitude, however, we can arrive at a place where we lay our burdens down, give up the struggle, and rest in the comforting arms of our Lord. When we stop struggling, we gain peace and hope for the coming days.

No matter what season of life you currently find yourself – whether recovering from a loss or experiencing the pain of divorce or a life that has been fractured by anger and misunderstanding, or perhaps a chronic illness that forever robs you of the life you knew –  you do not have to stay there forever.

Hope carries us forward, even when the world is darkest. Believe that there will be an end to pain and that there will be better days again.

When I was newly grieving the loss of my husband, hope was believing that there would be an end to the grief, and that there would be good days ahead. And while I gave myself permission to retreat and mourn, deep down I knew that I could not – would not – remain there.

As tough a journey as it would be to move beyond that ending, deep down, I knew that in the process of grieving and letting go, I would make some new discoveries about myself that I might not otherwise know.

I remember writing in my journal when I was ready to take charge of my life again:

“This morning as I sit from a new vantage point, I am captivated by the view extending before me, the options available to me. As I remember the dark, deep, and narrow canyons, I am reminded that even there, patches of blue sky could be seen. When I had looked up, those canyon walls expanded, and I felt the power and love of my Heavenly Father as I received a new surge of energy and hope. And when the way out of those dark canyons of grief and sorrow began to disappear, God gave me toeholds, branches to grab hold of and hang on to until the path became clear once more.”

As I reclaimed my life, I began to pick up the pieces and rebuild, creating a new me. Making that transition from what we love and cherish to an unknown future can be both daunting and intimidating.

Sometimes in our haste to get away from what was destroyed or lost, we miss the insight, understanding, and wisdom we are gaining.

As you continue from an ending to new beginning, hang on to hope, especially when the going seems rough.

You will make it through this.

You will enjoy happiness again.

You will live life with purpose and meaning once more.

Hope: A Gift We Can’t Refuse

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

—Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

When everything around us seems to be crashing and we think nothing else could possibly happen, it invariably does.

Problems have a domino effect – one problem creates another and so on. At such times, we cry out to God for strength and hope. Having hope is so important that I wanted to share my thoughts about it with you again.

Throughout scripture, we read stories of God gracing His people with faith, hope, and trust. Scripture says something good and desirable can happen, even in the worst of times.

 “But those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.”

—Isaiah 40:31

Hope! It is a gift I cannot refuse.

It is the conviction that God will be there with me through all things. He catches me when reality doesn’t match my expectations and I begin to fall. When reality has dashed my dreams, I need to turn my fear of falling into floating with the confidence that God is with me, ready to set me safely on the ground.

Hope encourages

When encouraged, we gain confidence. Within confidence, we find courage.

Hope motivates

With encouragement, we become motivated to look for solutions to tough problems and difficult life situations.

Hope energizes

When we’re feeling helpless and hopeless, our energy is drained, and depression settles into every cell and fiber of our body. Hope changes that in an instant. It allows us to focus on what we can do rather than what we cannot do. Hope literally changes the chemistry in our body.

hope

Hope expects

When we’re hopeful, we expect a different outcome. We don’t worry about whether the earth will keep rotating, or whether the sun will come up in the morning or go down at night. We know that when the sun is hidden in the clouds, it still exists.

Hope expects that tomorrow can be brighter than today, that our pain will recede, and that we will experience joy again. Hope says that when the world seems dark and we think we have been locked in a prison of despair, we can place our expectations on God for help in our time of need.

Hope believes

When we place our expectations in God, we believe that He not only exists, but that He loves us and will never leave or desert us. He gives us the strength to endure. Hope believes God’s word that says He cares personally about each of us, and that His love is so great, He was willing to die for us.

Hope never gives up

Hope doesn’t quit. When we are exhausted and think we can’t do anything more, we hear God whispering to us, “I am there with you. Try again – one more time.”   We feel His arms carry us. We hear His promises in our ear and feel His strength flow into us. He intervenes in our lives.

Hope surrenders

We begin to experience hope when we surrender to the knowledge that we do not know it all, will never know it all, and need God to survive. Hope relies on something greater than us. We recognize that we are not sufficient unto ourselves.

In that surrender, we let go and let God. The focus is no longer on making something happen but on surrendering to God and adjusting our responses. As we look for and find blessings in all things, we find peace and hope.

When we celebrate Easter, we are celebrating that story of hope that reveals life after death, a new life beyond the grave; a hope of salvation made possible by God. Within our tragedies lies new hope and new life as well.

With hope, we can overcome anything.

God Gives Us Hope

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“I cry out in the night before thee. Let my prayer come before thee; include thy ear to my ear. . . I’m standing my ground, God, shouting for help, at my prayers every morning, on my knees each daybreak. For as long as I remember I’ve been hurting, I’ve taken the worst you can hand out and I’ve had it. . . I’m bleeding, black and blue. ”

—Psalm 88 (New Oxford Bible and The Message)

In those frantic days between good health and the rapid advance of a brain tumor that took the life of my husband, I found the inner strength I needed to deal with our crisis within the book of Psalms. The psalmist spoke the words my heart was experiencing. He articulated my pain, tears, and cries for help, both before death and later, as I grieved my loss.

In my book, A Love So Great, A Grief So Deep, I shared my story and described hope as a “double-edged sword.” Others shared stories of loved ones who survived, and I was stirred to believe my prayers, too, would be answered and my husband would survive, even though deep down, I could not ignore the symptoms before me.

I went on to say:

“Hope is the effort to fly with wings not yet grown. If I don’t hope – don’t try – don’t struggle, there will never be the possibility of flying.”

In order to fly, you have to exercise your wings.

In order to fly, you have to be willing to let go of your fear of heights, and free fall, spreading your arms to catch the updrafts and float.

In order to fly, you must believe and have hope that you can. Hope was a gift God gave me. Whether my husband lived or not, I knew that God was there with us and would hang on to me when his life was gone.

In Authentic Happiness, Martin Seligman wrote:

“Optimism and hope cause better resistance to depression when bad events strike, better performance at work, particularly in challenging jobs, and better physical health.”

Optimism doesn’t just happen – it is learned.

We cannot live without hope. We might get bruised and bloodied in the process, but to live without hope is worse than struggling – it is flapping our wings and going nowhere.

And yet, flapping our wings can help make them stronger.

I want to soar like the eagles. I always have. I just never knew it required such a workout to get started.

eagle soaring

Hope is an expectation – a wish that something good can happen – will happen. It allows us to keep going. It motivates us to keep believing that there is the promise of a better tomorrow.

Even when our prayers are not answered in the way we want, God gives us hope for another day – another possibility. He gives us strength to endure. He gives us peace in the midst of sorrow.

“… but they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not  be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

—Isaiah 40:32

We want to live happy and fulfilled lives. We want to believe there is predictability, an end to sorrow, and the possibility of a new tomorrow.

Even in death, we want to know we can let go of our loved ones and believe we will not only survive, but will be able to create a new life. We want to believe we will see them again.

In today’s world, change is happening so quickly that it is difficult to keep up. We plan, but then tragedy strikes and changes our life forever.

At such times, as it was when my husband so unexpectedly got sick, we are left with uncertainty and wondering, “Now what do I do?”

You not only have to grieve your loss but create a new beginning. In order to do that, you need to believe you can. You need to believe that God will give you what is needed. Because hope is the expectation that it will happen. “I will make it through this. I can do this.”

Wikipedia defines hope as an “optimistic state of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes…”

In the Bible, hope is not just a wish but “the confident expectation” of what God promises us.

We hang on to that hope because we know He is faithful. And we know that with that hope, we can develop both resilience and confidence.

Why It’s Important to Define What You Believe In

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There is a spiritual side to all of us, whether we believe in a God, are a Christian, an atheist, or agnostic.

If you look online you will find numerous definitions and descriptions of spirituality. Basically, it is a recognition that there is more, something greater, than just us.

What do you believe in?

What do you believe and why? Perhaps you never considered the importance of asking yourself this question. And yet our beliefs influence every aspect of our life – the decisions we make, the people we hang out with, and the lifestyle we choose.

Are you able to define what you believe in and the value you place on those beliefs?

Core beliefs and values are often acquired haphazardly as we grow up. Many are just some versions of the beliefs held by family and friends. As adults, we rarely take the time to examine or question what we believe and why.

And yet, it is those deep core beliefs we hold of ourselves and our world that impact how we think and respond to life.

Because they were put in place when we were too young to evaluate, we often hold many biased beliefs. It is these distorted beliefs that influence our judgments of self and others.

In his books, A History of Christianity and Modern Times: The World from the Twenties to the Nineties, Paul Johnson wrote, “I must believe in God… belief in God makes me a better person than I would otherwise be. Without God, mankind quickly degenerates into the subhuman.”

“Man without God is a doomed creature. The history of the 20th century proves the view that as the vision of God fades, we first become mere clever monkeys; then we exterminate one another. While it is a terrifying prospect, the restoration of that vision of God can arrest it. Society as a whole will be less self-destructive if it stands in awe of moral rules which cannot be changed at the whim of congresses or parliaments or central committees, but which owe their authority to God. Only a belief in God will make society decent, but we do not believe in God for that reason. Purely social religions are the route to idolatry. We must truly believe. It is part of our struggle to be human. But in this struggle, God himself will help us.”

To survive as human beings, we need a belief in something greater than ourselves. Christianity is the only religion in the world that offers us the gift of salvation, grace, and love that we find within Jesus Christ.

We can’t earn it – we can’t work hard enough for it – it is a gift. And within that gift God extends to us through His Son, Jesus Christ, a love that transforms our lives from our heart outward. It is where we learn how to live as God had intended us to live.

Purposive – Optimism – Values

I believe it is through our need for spirituality that we find a larger purpose for our life. Purposiveness can be defined as “finding meaning in life.”

Without a sense of purpose and meaning, we would have little optimism or hope for our future. Victor Frankl wrote that man’s search for meaning “is the primary motivation in his life.” 

In Authentic Happiness, Martin Seligman wrote,

“Optimism and hope cause better resistance to depression when bad events strike, better performance at work, particularly in challenging jobs, and better physical health.”

Optimism doesn’t just happen – it is learned.

The science of Psychoneuroimmunology teaches us there is an interaction between the brain, endocrine system, and immune system and to this degree belief becomes biology.

Optimism is a biological phenomenon that creates a definite physiological response within an individual. It reduces anxiety and stress and its accompanying physical symptoms. Other studies reveal that when optimism was used as a prime coping strategy, people were less anxious and had fewer physical symptoms (Witmer & Rich, 1983).

How do we develop the skill of optimism?

In studies by Maslow, we learn that having a definite philosophy of life and religion are as important as sunlight, calcium, or love is to a person. We cannot live and survive without strong ethical and defined moral standards.

Valuelessness is the ultimate disease of our time. It leads to vague illnesses: apathy, alienation, hopelessness, and cynicism, which lead to psychological, physical, and social illnesses.

Having a meaningful purpose in life helps us develop optimism. Understanding the value of our beliefs will enable us to develop a moral compass to guide our behavior. Morality guides behavior that can maintain our well-being, along with giving respect and compassion to others. Religion and optimism go hand-in-hand.

Dr. Sydney Sharman, author of Psychiatry, the Ten Commandments, and You, wrote:

“Almost half of all patients consult their doctors because of non-organic disease, and almost all of them really do need to consult them or someone! If there were ten times as many qualified and experienced psychiatrists as there are at present, there would not be enough to cope properly with the volume of work.”

The Ten Commandments are just as relevant today as they were when first set down on tablets of stone; they offer the basis for the prevention of and cure for many of our neuroses.

Sharman’s thesis was that the Commandments are fundamental laws of life, and are not just a code produced by an ancient religious and political leader.

If you have never given much thought to what you believe and why, perhaps this is a good time to do so.

Changing your focus includes evaluating what you believe right now. Those beliefs influence everything you do.

Where Do You Find God?

Listen to this episode of the Focus with Marlene Podcast:

Get caught up with all episodes in the Developing a New Focus series.


We begin each day without the thought of any problems we might encounter. Even when troubles hit, we quickly resolve them and move on. That is what life is all about. There will be ups and downs as well as exciting, unanticipated moments.

But there comes a time when those problems aren’t so easily resolved, and we struggle to find a way to handle the upset.

Believers typically send up a prayer asking God to help. Then we keep going. At first, we may not even recognize God’s answer to our prayer. Sometimes it isn’t until much later that we realize how He has intervened.

Sometimes we don’t believe God has answered us at all. How do you know God will answer?

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

—Hebrews 13:5

Throughout history, we are told stories of individuals who have dealt with enormous obstacles. I shared some of those stories in my posts, Lessons We Learn from the People of the Bible and Expand Your View.

Because we often do not give credit to God for His help and strength, I wanted to share a few more stories of how God has intervened, helped, and rescued His people.

Encounters with God

Elijah

When Elijah fled Queen Jezebel, running for his life into the desert, he was so exhausted he wanted to die. But God supplied food for him. Elijah retreated further into the mountains where he struggled with his inner fears, doubts, and insecurities, wondering whether it was all worth the struggle.

God met him there in the midst of his exhaustion and questioning spirit. It was there that Elijah found God – in the still, quiet voice that spoke to his spirit.

Naaman

It was in his affliction of a skin disease that Naaman, the mighty, esteemed, and proud general of the King of Aram, discovered humility and God. In order to be healed, he had to wash himself seven times in the muddy, dirty water of the river Jordan.

In that inner struggle, Naaman had to put life into a clearer perspective. All his wealth, possessions and battle trophies could not buy him the restoration of his health. And he was forced to consider which was more important: his pride or his physical health. He found more than healed skin from the prophet Elisha’s directions – he discovered the God of Israel.

Job

It was in the indescribable pain and ongoing adversity in his life that Job discovered lessons from suffering. Job had led an honest, good, and faithful life following the principles of God. But when he was hit with one adversity after another, he became angry and confused. He protested loudly to God. He lost his home, his wife, and his family. His friends were more accusatory than supportive.

But it was in this adversity where Job discovered the character of God. As Eugene Peterson writes in his Introduction to Job in The Message:

“At first Job rages in pain and roars out his protests, but then he becomes silent in awestruck faith before God, who speaks from out of a storm – a “whirlwind” of Deity. Real faith cannot be reduced to spiritual bromides and merchandise in success stories. It is refined in the fires and storms of pain.”

Joseph, Paul, and Peter

It was in his affliction that the Apostle Paul learned he needed to rely on the strength of God. It was in prison cells where Joseph of the Old Testament and Apostles Peter and Paul of the New Testament became examples to their guards of what it means to live in acceptance and in God’s love and peace.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It was in the adversity of Nazi Germany that Bonhoeffer, the brilliant theologian, struggled with remaining safe abroad or returning to be with his people. He chose to return and just before the war ended, was arrested, and shot by the Nazis.

But in those weeks within the prison walls, Bonhoeffer, like Joseph and Peter, and Paul, exuded peace and love and left an indelible imprint on the lives of his jailers.

Comfort in the midst of adversity

The Bible is full of stories of the lives of people who experienced tragedies and struggled in their adversities. In today’s world, we have the stories of many people who found purpose and meaning within harsh conditions. It is where they heard God calling – whispering to their inner spirit, “You can make it – I am with you.”

  • It is in adversity where we find loyal friends who stand by us, where God sends that person with a comforting touch or that word in scripture that literally jumps out from the page to gives us hope and encouragement.
  • It is in adversity where we find strength to persevere, become more flexible, and discover humility and patience.
  • It is in adversity where we discover love and understanding and grace and where we learn how to become better parents, more understanding spouses, and compassionate people.
  • It is in adversity where we learn more about ourselves, our abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. And where we find God waiting for us, to comfort, encourage and give us hope.

If you are struggling right now, reach out to God and discover His comforting arms.

Start your day with God.

If you’re not sure how to begin, start by picking up a contemporary version of the Bible and begin reading the Psalms. Pay attention to how freely the psalmist talks to God. He doesn’t hold anything back… he tells God when he is depressed, angry, or feeling on top of the world. He thanks God for how he is feeling.

Start your conversation by thanking God for your life. Continue by thanking Him for forgiveness, grace, and hope.

Every day, blessings are showered on us, like silent snowflakes tumbling from the sky, shimmering and glittering like tiny diamonds in the winter sun. I have been touched by the quiet serenity of an earth blanketed in mounds and mounds of downy snow when even nature holds its breath and is silenced by its beauty.

We find God waiting for us when we choose to look for Him: in the breath of spring, the blooming of trees and flowers springing out of the still, cold earth.

We find Him in the vast expanse of His world and the universe, the changing seasons, and the ebb and tide of life.

We find Him everywhere in life and in death. His grace touches the wounded heart, the bruised spirit, and our tired and exhausted engagement with life’s trials.

When I allow my mind to become quiet and remain still long enough, I not only see the beauty of our world and universe but experience God on a deep, penetrating, healing level.

How often we miss these timeless acts of God that occur every day. The mystery of life is constantly unfolding around us.

I am humbled by the power of God as I witness storms that lash out with gale-force winds. Perhaps you are as well. But do we ever consider storms’ blessings?

It is through storms that the earth is swept clean.

If we stop to observe the awesome power and majesty of God in nature, is it not just one step further to recognize that same awesome power of God in our lives?

And aren’t the storms of our lives sweeping our lives clean and bringing about needed change? Isn’t that a part of the personal blessings He showers on us? Often we are so sidetracked by the storm that we don’t see the blessings that follow.

Lessons We Learn From the People of the Bible

Listen to this episode of the Focus with Marlene Podcast:

Get caught up with all episodes in the Developing a New Focus series.


We are learning something new all the time. We acquire information from people we know, from the books we read, the media, and lessons we learn from the choices we make and just plain living.

The Bible tells us many real-life stories about people, their struggles, and the outcomes of their decisions.

Some of us don’t spend as much time in the Old Testament as we used to or give a lot of thought to how the stories could benefit us today. These stories reveal people just like you and me who struggle with life.

Sometimes they resisted doing what was right and were overwhelmed with temptations that got them into a lot of trouble. Their lives were not perfect. And neither are ours. But we can learn and improve.

Consider the following:

  • Noah started drinking in excess after his successes.
  • Cain was jealous and murdered his brother.
  • Jacob was a liar and conniver.
  • Joseph became a victim of jealousy and hatred.
  • Gideon was afraid.
  • Samson was a womanizer and his lifestyle had disastrous results.
  • Rahab was a prostitute.
  • David had an affair and his adultery led to murder.
  • Samuel, a faithful servant of God, was a terrible parent.
  • Elijah had depression.
  • Jonah ran from God and had a bad temper.
  • Job lost everything and was taunted by his religious friends.
  • Peter denied Christ.
  • The disciples fell asleep when Jesus asked them to pray.

Why read the Bible?

If the Bible is full of stories about people who do hurtful, vindictive, and destructive things, why should we read it? All we have to do is watch the evening news, and we can see and hear the same thing.

However, the stories in the Bible don’t just show a slice of human nature. They also offer alternatives – a different way to live. They include insights into the character of God. He loves us, warns us, gives us instructions, and allows us to suffer the consequences of our behaviors while giving us grace.

Within these stories we find ourselves!  We also find redemption and forgiveness and the precepts to live principled lives. And we find a God who reaches down to us, a God who sent His Son to die for us. His love is so great.

Let’s take another look at these stories. What can we learn from each of them that, if applied to our own life, would make a great difference?

Cain

In the book of Genesis, man’s desire to rely on his own wisdom and intellect instead of obeying God is revealed in the first chapters. The first family experienced sibling rivalry, jealousy, and murder. When Cain was challenged by God to be responsible for his life, he chose to nurse his anger and resentment until it led him to murder.

Noah

Noah was chosen by God to save his family from a corrupted world. While enduring taunts and ridicule from neighbors, Noah continued to build the ark, trusting in God. He chose to believe and followed instructions. It was only later that he allowed alcohol to dull his thinking and emotions.

Jacob

Jacob took matters into his own hands and decided he would carry out what he believed was God’s prophecy. He lied to his father and cheated his brother out of his inheritance. His conniving resulted in him fleeing for his life. He, in turn, was manipulated and cheated. Later he returned home to face the brother he had deceived. There was a reckoning both with God and his brother.

Joseph

Joseph was his dad’s favorite, and his brothers were jealous of the special love and attention he received. Their resentment fueled a grievance story that led to a murder plot. At the last minute, however, Joseph was sold as a slave instead of being killed by his brothers. Later in life, these same brothers were at the mercy of Joseph. Joseph had to choose whether to be vindictive or to forgive.

Samson

Samson was given extraordinary abilities. He became arrogant and flippant and used his strength and charm to flirt with danger – the enemy of his country. He paid for it with the loss of his eyes, his strength, and his life.

Rahab

Rahab lived at a time when, if a woman was not under the protection of a husband, prostitution was a way to survive. Rahab was a prostitute. Yet she was challenged to put her life on the line to protect men of God. She believed this was the God to follow, not the culture and king of the day.

Gideon

Gideon was asked to lead a battle. He was not in the army. He was afraid. He had to ask repeatedly if God was really going to be with him. But then he stepped out in faith, followed instructions, and his people were saved.

David

David, who loved God and who God set up as king of Israel, jeopardized his entire kingdom by thinking because he was king he could make his own rules. A king’s power was like the dictators of today – they made the rules and imposed the power over them. However, this kingdom was supposed to be run by God’s rules. David’s misuse of power ended up in adultery, breaking up a marriage and murder. The consequences followed him throughout his life.

Within these stories (and many others) we see the effects of jealousy, resentment, grievances, anger, lust, manipulation and misuse of power, alcoholism, dysfunctional families, cheating and lying. These characteristics seem to be in the very nature of humans.

What we can learn about ourselves from Bible stories

But also within these narratives, we see how God intervenes in our lives to save us from ourselves and bring us back into right standing. Without that intervention, we would not make it.

He not only gives us instructions on how to live, but grace when we screw up. But it is not cheap grace that says, “You can go on as usual.” That grace had a price that was paid for by the death of His son on the cross.

As therapists, we try to help people who have been victims of trauma. We work with them to overcome anger problems and abuse and find constructive and positive ways to establish self-esteem and worth.

There are cognitive methods to neutralize fear and anxieties without alcohol and drugs. As a counselor, therapist, and teacher I have taught strategies on how to replace habits, change our thinking to reduce emotional upsets, and ways to turn our lives around. Within each of us there is an amazing resilience and the ability to heal and make changes.

Yet, our efforts will ring hollow if we don’t recognize that we need God to teach us the basics on how to live. We need His intervention to help us heal and forgive and give our lives purpose and meaning.

It is only then that we will find the peace we all so desperately want and cannot find any other way.