Let's Talk

Just Do It!

Elderly lady typing on laptop. Shallow DOF.Who in your life has helped to shape and mold who you have become? Who do you listen to? Who do you aspire to be like?

We are influenced by many people and experiences we have had and seldom think about how this has reflected on who we are today.

I recently wrote and submitted a story for an anthology book about what we learned or did not learn from our mothers. It made me stop and think about my mom in a new way. I had never given a lot of personal thought about how my Mom had influenced me. I knew I was proud of her, but hadn’t really thought about why.

Growing up on a large farm in the Midwest, I accepted my parent’s principles of hard work, saving, investing, and frugal spending as the way everybody lived their life. The integrity and ethics of my parents had a profound influence on how I lived when I grew up. I didn’t fully appreciate the gift they gave us kids until much later in life.

Both parents were bright, but uneducated in the sense we think of education today. Dad was successful as a farmer because of his intelligence, common sense and work ethics. While Dad worked in the field, Mom took care of us kids, milked cows, raised chickens, helped with the butchering and planted and harvested a huge garden each year. She sewed, made quilts, and had a flower garden that was the envy of everyone.

In preparation to write my story, I reflected back specifically on what I had learned from my Mother. She had a deep faith in God and trusted in Him to help her through the many challenging events in her life. She lived her faith every day. When things needed to be done, she simply got busy and did them. But there was one event in particular that stands out for me.

My parents came to this country as young children. German was spoken in the home for many years. Mom had learned to read and write in German, and could read English but continued to write in her native German.

Family was everything to my Mom. When we moved to Oregon, my sisters helped write letters to family who still lived in the Midwest. After they married and left home, she decided she would teach herself how to write.

With an English primer and her catechism she set about learning how to write in English. No fanfare or exclamations of what she had to do or was doing. She did this after working hard all day. It was usually 9 in the evening before chores were done. I remember coming downstairs to say goodnight and witnessing my Mom laboriously writing, copying sentences from German to English.  I was overwhelmed with pride for her; a pride I still have today.

I am thankful I had such good models in my life from both my Dad and Mom. I learned the practical but sure wisdom of having a faith in God, a willingness to work hard to get things done. Her “I can do” mindset has followed me and enabled me to accomplish many things I never dreamed of doing.

Think about the people in your life who you admired. How did they live? What principles and values can you claim and apply to your life. Read books of people who started out with nothing, persevered and accomplished great things. And ask God for the courage to model and apply these same values to your own life.

Marlene Anderson

 

The Last of Human Freedoms

DSC00827“What alone remains is ‘the last of human freedoms’ – the ability to ‘choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.” Victor Frankl

Victor Frankl was a psychiatrist and Jew who lived during the Nazi regime in Germany. He along with his entire family, was sent to Nazi concentration camps. He was taken to Auschwitz, one of the most dreaded of these camps. Except for his sister and himself, his entire family perished in those camps. Every possession was taken from them, and the Jews who weren’t shot or sent to the gas chamber, endured years of unspeakable horror.

Yet, in his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning”, Frankl writes:

 “In spite of all the enforced physical and mental primitives of the life in a concentration camp, it was possible for spiritual life to deepen…”

Spiritual life – how could your spiritual life be deepened in such a horrible place? Wouldn’t you seethe in anger and rage at the injustice of it all?

As a psychiatrist, physician and acclaimed author, he was now in the cruelest of life’s classrooms struggling to survive physically, mentally and spiritually. But it was here, in some of the most horrible of conditions, that he discovered men could be compassionate to others who were suffering and dying and that apathy

“… could be overcome, irritability suppressed. Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physic stress.”

This World War II scenario happened a long time ago. What has this got to do with me today? Why should any of this be relevant in today’s world?

Because when I am whining about the problems I face today, it reminds me of my freedom to choose my attitudes, my determination, my responses to life.

In the midst of unimaginable conditions, Frankl evidenced the indomitable human spirit. He discovered that prisoners faced with death and unexpected daily torture could focus their minds on things that were good. They could even see the beauty of God’s earth around them.

They could “rise above any situation even if only for a few seconds” when they found and expressed humor. He and another prisoner daily invented at least one amusing story to share with each other.

We make choices every minute of the day. In fact we cannot not choose. When we become aware of how simple it is to make choices that are positive, motivating, hope infused instead of giving up, holding grievances or choosing to be a victim, it will fuel our creativity, inspiration and ability to find solutions.

If you have never read Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search for Meaning“, I highly recommend it. It is both sobering and inspirational and timeless.

Marlene Anderson

 

 

Expanding your Field of Vision

thumbnailCAOVZJY2Years ago when I worked with a team of health officials to design and write a Chronic Illness program for a major HMO, we wanted to share stories of people who took what life had handed them and reframed it from one of tragedy to one of hope, anticipation and motivation. These were real people who had come to terms with their situation, took off their glasses of denial and hopelessness and took those baby steps towards a new life.

It is never easy. It takes acceptance, perseverance and a conscious decision to alter our perspective from one of helplessness and despair to one of courage and determination. We start where we are and slowly develop the spiritual, psychological and physical muscles that is needed to start over again.

Today, I still look for stories of people who have weathered adversity, faced incredible hardships, or face on-going limitations. I find within these stories the courage I need to meet the challenges I face that often seem like overwhelming giants. Together, with the clarity, strength and grace from God, these “giants” are reduced in size to “manageable mole hills”.

What does it take to expand your field of vision and reframe your circumstances?

• It takes honesty. Are you willing to be honest with yourself on every level? Are you willing to take off the rose colored glasses and address your fears and vulnerabilities and become comfortable with them? Can you be strengthened in the process of humility?

• It takes a conscious choice. I choose not to be a victim. I choose to take what life has given me and do something with it. I choose to find blessings in the ashes of ruin.

• It takes a willingness to challenge negative thinking. In crisis and pain, old tapes are triggered that tell you, you can’t, you don’t have what it takes, others are smarter, more advantaged, etc.

• It is choosing new self talk that affirms my worth and esteem and accepts both strengths and weaknesses

• It is looking for and finding those nuggets of gratitude and blessings

Reframing puts a different interpretation around what is happening or has happened. It expands our field of vision to see opportunities and possibilities. It takes the focus off of what you can’t do and expands it to all kinds of possibilities. It challenges a negative mindset that says “I can'”t and replaces it with a “Oh Yes, I can”. Then persistently moves forward looking for new creative ways to resolve problems.

Marlene Anderson

 

 

We Choose Our Focus

DSC00827“Whatever you focus on, you will become”

Before I returned to school to get my masters degree in psychology and counseling, I had the privilege to work for a short time with a company that gave two week workshops to injured workers in chronic pain. The participants were mandated to come before their workman’s comp expired. They were angry and combative.

Yet over the two weeks, we began to see a change as individuals began to apply the material presented. They began to look at themselves and their situations differently. Not only was there hope for a positive future, but they began to make plans to bring that about. Their focus turned from what they couldn’t do to working on what they could do.

It was an amazing transformation that I have witnessed many times. The change in stance and outlook was noticeably different from those who refused to explore other options and remained locked in bitterness over their injuries.

When we believe we are limited or have no choices, we will be limited. Hopelessness, helplessness, resentment, anxiety and fear set in. But when our focus shifts to possibilities and options, our energy is released and can be directed toward finding solutions and setting goals.

When I stopped teaching, I wanted to share my training and life experiences with others outside the college classroom. I chose the name FOCUS as a company name because it personified my belief that our focus matters. To rise above adversities, the focus we choose will help us navigate through the pressures, uncertainties and troubling times. It is easy to get discouraged and want to give up when we struggle and struggle and it seems we aren’t going anywhere.

Yet, I have found it is within adversities where I have become stronger: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is where I have gained insight and wisdom.  It is where I discovered the ability to love and forgive.  Just as physical exercise is needed to keep bodies fit, life struggles help develop our psychological and spiritual muscles.

Psalm 119: “You’re blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You’re blessed when you follow His directions, doing your best to find him.” The Message.

Our focus in life defines who we are and what we believe in. It helps to establish our boundaries and define priorities. We cannot choose what life throws at us, but with God’s help we can choose how we will respond. It is in our choices where we grow.

We choose our focus. We choose our responses.

Marlene Anderson

 

 

 

Your Focus

Where is your FOCUS today?

Where is Your Focus

MP900432895Whatever the situation, our focus will determine what we do, how long we do it and where it will take us. Our focus is the attention we give to anything. It can have either a positive or negative result.

If we focus on what we can’t do, we will worry, suffer anxiety, give up, and become hostage to anything that seems out of our control.  The mindset is we are incapable of finding solutions, unqualified to learn, and unable to take charge of our responses to life.

If our focus is on what we can do, we will problem solve, recognize and accept our weaknesses and apply our time and effort to finding solutions and working to achieve goals.

Your focus sets the tone for your life – it sets the direction.

Your focus will motivate or discourage you.

Your focus ultimately will determine who you become. Life may throw huge obstacles at us, but we can find a way to overcome them.

It is the obstacles of self-defeat, self-doubt, and self-recrimination, that keep us from taking the necessary risks to set new goals and take those little wobbly baby steps forward into the unknown.

FOCUS on God – let Him lead – develop a relationship

FOCUS on developing your talents and skills

FOCUS on choices and possibilities

FOCUS on developing core principles and values – live them

 

In the upcoming weeks, my blogs will FOCUS on all the ways you can take charge of your life.

Marlene Anderson

What do you Celebrate

Women Posing for PhotographTwo weeks ago, I celebrated the life of a friend who had died – whose life time achievements, while impressive, were not as important to those of us gathered at the church, as who he was and how he had lived.

Last Sunday, I celebrated another friend’s life – at her 80th birthday with family and friends. After a trip down memory lane, we wrote down all the things we treasured about her on pieces of paper so she could add them to her scrapbook of memories. We had such great fun laughing and sharing and listening to stories, hugging and cheering her on!

Yesterday I celebrated my daughter’s test results that showed an all clear – no new growths – no new cancer. No cards – no flowers – just an overwhelming deafening shout of YEAH! over the telephone. That said it all.

How often do we wait for major events before we recognize and celebrate the lives of those we love? We cheer at graduations and toast at weddings and blow out birthday candles – but it is in those quiet moments of shared encouragement, understanding, and acknowledgements where we celebrate lives.

So I commit again my intent to look for those everyday moments when I can surprise and confirm others for their courage, hard work, and tough choices that often go unnoticed. I want to celebrate the lives of those around me, affirming their efforts and sacrifices.

Take a coffee break and just “be” there for someone going through a tough time, listen and validate a friend’s struggle, help a colleague go through their challenges. Listen to your kids – really listen. Tell your spouse you love him or her. Do it every day. Focus on all that is good instead of all that is unpleasant.

How many people can you celebrate today! Let’s have a busy day.

Marlene Anderson

 

Safe Anchors

A Quiet Cove 001Sailing in the San Juan and Gulf Islands required not only knowledge of our boat, navigation skills and charts to map out safe routes, but also knowing where the safe anchoring spots were – both for a long leisurely stay or a place to tuck in from a storm.

A rocky bottom would not hold the typical anchor. Exposure to prevailing winds gave little protection from dragging and required constant surveillance. If your anchor site was too deep, a high incoming tide could lift the anchor off the bottom. If you arrived at high tide and were not prepared for low tides, you could end up high and dry with your boat on its side.

I thought of that today as I read Is. 33 where God instructs us how to live. The Message states that the answer is simple:

“Live right, speak the truth, despise exploitation, refuse bribes, reject violence, avoid evil amusements. This is how you raise your standard of living! A safe and stable way to live, a nourishing, satisfying way to live”

I was thankful for all the time my husband and I had spent taking navigation classes, reading about the areas where we would sail and knowing where the good and safe anchoring spots were.

I am grateful that I have the wisdom of the ages and the words of God available to direct me to those places where I can set my anchor – not only for the night, but for each day.

If I do not take the time to read, study and learn how to navigate the waters of life and apply the principles and values set down for us, then I am at the mercy of whatever storms and adversities may strike. I will not know where to find those safe harbors and inlets of peace and hope to set my anchor.

Marlene Anderson

 

 

Jack

DSC00730I knew him as a friend. My kids knew him as Uncle Jack. Others knew him for his smile and hugs – others for the amazing cakes he baked and decorated or the chocolates that melted in your mouth. Others remembered stories when music and drumming competed for his time in the culinary arts. However you knew him, his loss was felt by everyone.

We came together to celebrate a life that touched each of us deeply. We came to mourn a special person who met many adversities with determination and resolve and a smile that never went away. He lived life with passion – a passion to create pastries and chocolates you would never forget and a passion for family and people. And by his side was a wife who worked, lived and breathed the same passion. Their love was great – her grief will be deep.

Today we think of funerals as celebrations. Some are. Others fall short. But this last Sunday 400 or more people gathered to cry, laugh and share stories. They came not to celebrate his many achievements, but to celebrate the person – the Jack who reached out to everyone leaving an indelible imprint on their lives forever. When we left the church full of memories and the residue of cake and frosting on our fingers, we carried in our hearts a bit of Jack that will stay forever.

Goodbye, Jack, until we come to join you in our Lord’s kingdom.

Marlene Anderson