In my church we recite a statement of faith each Sunday morning; “I believe in God the Father . . . etc.”

For some people this might seem unimportant ritualistic dogma. And yet by repeating this simple creed, or statement of belief every Sunday, we are reminded of who we are and in what we believe.

Reciting creeds or statements of faith each Sunday really means nothing unless we apply what it means to us personally in our daily life.

Do we take honesty with us into our jobs? Do we work through the messiness of life with our kids and families instead of yelling, threatening or walking away? Do we encourage our kids to share their fears and anxieties and really listen and help them problem-solve? Do we focus on the good things we like about our spouses instead of all the things we don’t like? Do we nurture hatred, self-indulgence, resentment, self-interest over the needs of others? Do we spend more time talking about religion instead of living it?

The things in which we believe become the values and principles and rules by which we live.

In what do you believe?

When unexpected and unwanted change rocks the foundations of our world, we struggle not only to survive, but to make sense of things. It is here in the questioning and dark of the night when people have the opportunity to discover what is really important in life.

We may not always be able to make sense of the world, but we can clarify what we believe in and why. And you do not have to wait until a tragedy or unexpected change happens before you take time to clarify what you believe and why.

©2013 Marlene Anderson

While researching some information on the internet I accessed a prominent psychology site and was startled to see in large bold words a heading that spoke to government, socialism, the rise of atheism and the decline of religion. There were a series of blog postings by a prominent psychologist and anthropologist who spoke to research data that suggested atheism is becoming the norm in developed countries replacing the need for religion. 

With governments taking care of us, the advance of technology and education, people did not need God to take care of them. Only undeveloped countries maintained their need for God.

The subtle inference was that once you did not have to worry about health and safety, you no longer needed God. The rise of anxiety, however, was puzzling to them.

While I have always known we were gradually becoming a nation of nonbelievers it was interesting to see the suggested correlation as to the cause.

Do you believe in God? I do. Do you need God? I do. And I am an educated woman with a master’s degree. I am responsible for my care, my choices and decisions. I know how to get information and use it. I am able to give clients information to work through problems, heal from losses, and challenge negative and self-defeating thinking and beliefs. Do we still need God? Yes we do.

Here is why I believe in God and why I believe we need Him in our lives today as never before in this world of affluence and perceived safety.

1. Values and principles. Principles give us the moral and ethical compass to live our lives. On what do you draw your values and principles? Cultures change with the times. What was non-acceptable in the past is now the norm today. Who has made the decision and based on what? If we blindly accept the norms our culture decides is okay, what truths are they based on?

2. Religion and security. I am a history buff. It seems historically whenever countries feel safe and secure someone comes along, attacks and tries to conquer. Over my lifetime, when everything seems to be going good, some unwanted crisis or unexpected change requires me to change course, evaluate my decision making process and challenge my ability to take the next step. Without the faith, values and principles I live by, this would be an incredibly anxiety creating process.

3. Strength and courage. The science of psychology teaches us we are not the center of the universe. So does God. Recovering alcoholics attest to their need of a God beyond themselves. Have we become so narcissistic and arrogant that we believe we don’t need God?

Can you define for a non-believer why you believe in God? We can speak to salvation and Christ dying for our sins. But can we speak to the larger picture of why we need to be students of the Bible?

In a culture that worships intellectualism and narcissistic self-reliance or reliance on government to take care of us, we need to be able to speak to why we need God in our lives.

And by the way, He is very much alive. I experience Him every day.

Marlene Anderson

In my stress workshops, I often use the example of a clenched fist to demonstrate the pressure we put on ourselves to maintain control over our life and an extended hand, palm side up to indicate the ability to be in charge.

It takes more and more energy to keep that hand tightly clenched. Just as our fist will become exhausted, so do our bodies when we are constantly trying to be in control. (See my book, “Make Stress Work for You“, available on my website).

Taking charge on the other hand allows us to receive, examine and judge new information based on predetermined values and principles.

When we are controlling we are closed to new information. Old rigid rules dictate what we can and cannot do.

Old rigid rules determine how other people should and must act and when they don’t, we get upset and become more controlling through manipulation and passive aggressive behaviors. We try to control every aspect of our lives and the lives of others around us: our careers, families, children, relationships and environment.

Taking charge allows us to evaluate information based on beliefs, values and principles we have examined and made our own.

Principles are the ethical and moral standards we have established to live by. We are not locked into old rigid patterns. We know what we believe and why.

It is often in the midst of uncomfortable, unwanted life changes where we are challenged with that uncomfortable feeling that we really don’t know what we believe. It is where we can finally hear that quiet, persistent and compelling voice of God who asks us to examine our attitudes, perceptions and assumptions and put them in the framework of His word and His truths.

It is where we are challenged to release the closed fist, open our hand and let go. It is where we begin to take charge of our lives instead of trying to control our lives.

Marlene Anderson

Face your anxiety and fears.

When we engage our fears rather than run away from them, we can use our darkest moments to reach a new level of acceptance, appreciation and gratitude. Affirm your worth in the midst of your emotional turmoil.

Accept vulnerability

We hang onto perceptions of ourselves that we try to hide from others. Unwanted change suddenly throws a spotlight on us exposing our vulnerabilities and fears to the world.

“We justify our actions by appearances – God examines our motives.” Proverbs 21 – The Message

Most of our fears are illusions – paper tigers, enlarged shadows that tower over us making us feel insignificant and small.

In those moments when we feel we are losing control of our carefully constructed identity, our sugar coated insecurities, and our castles of grandeur built to impress others we have the opportunity to accept ourselves just as we are.

There is little in life that we have absolute control over. Although we establish life goals and rigorously work to achieve them, our efforts can go up in smoke in an instant when death, accidents, job loss, a life sentencing diagnosis or other unwanted change or crises occur.

Acceptance allows you to let go of your need to be in control. It allows you to accept your vulnerability and fear. It allows you to surrender to God who loves you. When we let go of our need to control events, our lives and the lives of others, we are open to discover God. It is where we can find peace to just be who we are. It is where we become genuine and real.

©2013 Marlene Anderson

It takes time to process information. As fast as we can access information anytime and anywhere, it still takes time to apply and integrate knowledge into our daily lives. It takes even longer to use newfound clarity to heal old wounds.

As we wrestle with those dark nights of questioning and confusion and misunderstanding, it is important to give ourselves time and grace to work through the tangles of doubts, uncertainty, skepticism and misgivings.

Unwanted and life altering changes challenge our beliefs and values. In those moments when the world seems upside down and inside out, we are faced with more than just acceptance, letting go and creating a new mindset. We come face to face with our vulnerabilities and shortcomings and we are no longer sure what we believe, what is real or what is truth.

Unanswered questions from the past now take center stage demanding answers.

This can be an unsettling time. Remind yourself that you are working towards clarification, deeper understanding and reconciliation.

Core beliefs and values are usually haphazardly adopted in childhood and often remain unchallenged.

Core beliefs are often rigid, self defeating and unquestioned and define values we have not affirmed as our own. We act on them without thinking. We leave home with a bagful of life scripts, expectations and assumptions and values that we have not taken time to examine.

And now in the darkness of our soul and spirit we are left with the question: what do I really believe and why?

Questioning and exploration doesn’t mean we automatically throw out the beliefs and values we brought with us into adulthood. It just means we have reached a point where examination and evaluation is necessary to take charge of our lives and establish affirming principles to live by.

Struggling with unsettling questions can be both illuminating and frightening.

It may force us to examine past choices.

It may require going through painful memories of an unpleasant childhood.

Our struggles may reveal that we really have no idea what is valuable and important to us in life and that we have been living on borrowed concepts from a culture that changes as quickly as the tides.

Whatever we are wrestling with, include God in the struggle. Even if you are questioning God, don’t leave Him out of the struggle. It is where we are able to face painful truths. It is where we receive grace, love, acceptance, assurances and peace. We not only find clarification but are given the strength and courage to make the changes that are necessary.

What do you believe and why? We don’t have to wait for the darkness of night to begin answering important questions about the values you want to live.

©2013 Marlene Anderson

Who has not experienced the struggle to believe and understand and make sense of the situations we find ourselves?

Like Jacob of the Old Testament we have done all we could to make amends; yet in our resolve we realize it is not enough to make things right.  Like Job we angrily confront God. We had done all the things we believed were right. 

Yet life with all its unfairness has targeted us, leaving us in great pain, confusion and thousands of unanswered questions.

As the losses in our life continue to mount, we are left exhausted, curled in a fetal position, depressed, unable to move, without hope or motivation. We give up.

And it is there, in the darkness of the night, that we wrestle with ourselves and our God.

All the unwanted changes have produced a darkness in our soul. And we are left to question not only decisions we have made, but our values and core beliefs about God and life in general. As the struggle intensifies, we try to put some perspective on what we are experiencing. It is not a comfortable place to be.

And yet, it is not only where we need to be, it is where we will find peace and meaning. It is where we experience God and in our surrender receive His peace and assurances.

As we uncover truths about ourselves, our lifestyles, fears and inabilities, we may want to withdraw and isolate ourselves. We do not want others to see our brokenness.

We build walls around our spirits and psyches to protect them from further hurt and disappointments. Yet when we do, we are walling in the acid of pain that gradually erodes our mental, physical and emotional self.

In the darkness of the night we may find ourselves depressed, giving up, whipped. We have struggled and felt we have lost. But it is there that God reaches out to us with a word, a symbol, a person, a long forgotten biblical truth, a remembrance of the many times God has shown us His face, and we find in that surrender to Him, not only peace, but a new surge of energy, a new strength, a new perspective.

It is in the middle of the struggle where we gain knowledge. It is not only a place of surrender and acceptance, but receiving from God exactly what we need.

Not only is our life enriched; it will never be the same. We have wrestled and came through to the morning of new understanding, faith and hope. In that surrender and acceptance we are not only given peace and a new insurgence of energy, but joy.

Working through pain is never easy. But it is where we find healing and recovery.

©2013 Marlene Anderson

Years ago, when I was helping design and write a ten week class on living with chronic illness for a large HMO, I designed the following handout. I share it with you today.

LETTING GO – TAKING CONTROL

 “If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete.” Victor Frankl

To experience freedom and create meaning in our lives, we must “let go” of the past while taking “control” of the present and future.

Letting go means

• Removing my masks – becoming honest with myself and others

• I can laugh – I can cry – I can feel my pain – and it’s okay

• Transcending my fears: facing death, disability, hardships, disappointments

• Grieving my losses

• Asking for and receiving help

• Acceptance of those things I cannot change

Taking control means

• Discovering the real, genuine, authentic me

• Spending time discovering the real me

• Focusing on what I can do – not what I can’t do

• Choosing hope over despair – the positive versus the negative

• Soaring like an eagle

• Believing I have choices and that I am making those choices every day

• Enjoying each step forward – there is no step too small or too large

• Looking for and finding opportunities within every situation

Problems, disappointment, life situations CANNOT keep you from

• Exploring new options

• Setting new priorities and goals

• Living life to the fullest

• Developing a better quality of life

Problems, tragedies, and losses CAN help you

• Discover great, hidden strengths and determination

• Create new and exciting meaning for our life

• Transform “who you were” into “who you are becoming”

• Develop awareness and appreciation for you and your world

©1991 Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC