Let's Talk

Posts Categorized: Featured

Personalized Stress: The Stress we Create

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Personalized Stress: The Stress we Create | FocusWithMarlene.com

We will experience stress every day. That is normal and natural. For example:

You’ve been asked to work overtime – again. The bus was late, you arrive home to kids fighting and an irritated spouse, the kitchen is a mess and you just want to throw up your hands and scream.

That is a pretty normal reaction to a string of events that were frustrating and exasperating. Who wouldn’t want to throw up their hands and scream?

However, when we remain in that agitated state, the original stress is compounded. We need our jobs, we want to have good times with our families, and we know we can adapt, but how do we keep the accumulation of expectations and demands from overwhelming us?

We Were Made for Stress

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

We Were Made for Stress | focuswithmarlene.com

During this pandemic, I have had conversations with many people. Everyone is feeling stressed due to prolonged isolation and restrictions.

But for some, that stress is far worse than for others. What makes the difference?

In my book, Make Stress Work for You: 12 Steps to Understanding Stress and Turning it into a Positive Force, I talk about the difference between good stress (eustress) and bad stress (distress). As you read and listen to the audio of each of the steps, you will learn how you can take charge of the stress in your life.

While stress is universal and everyone experiences it, it is also very personal. What stresses one person may be an exhilarating experience to another. Consider sky diving or swimming. In the Study Guide and Personal Application that accompanies this book, the questions presented can help you understand the sources of your personal stress.

We can’t live without stress nor do we want to. It is an essential part of living. But we can make it work for us and not against us.

12 Steps to Aging Confidently

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

12 Steps to Aging Confidently | Focuswithmarlene.com

1. Develop a new focus – a new mindset.

Focus on what you can do; don’t dwell on what you can’t do. As we age, there will be things we no longer can do and things we struggle to do. For example, arthritis can make it difficult to pick up objects or hold onto them, and we begin to worry about our abilities declining.

Worry can become a habit that eliminates possibilities. Do what you can and do it with confidence.

2. Acknowledge and accept.

It is hard to accept that we are aging. But each day is an opportunity to begin again.

  • What interests, passions, or things have you wanted to do but never had time for?

10 Takeaways for Continued Success as You Heal from a Major Loss

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

10 Takeaways for Continued Success as You Heal from a Major Loss | Focuswithmarlene.com

Healing from a major loss is not easy and isn’t accomplished in a few months or even a year. It is a process that involves coming to terms with something you had not expected or wanted.

Taking charge of rebuilding your life will empower you to step out in confidence.

You have completed and applied the suggestions given in the last six month’s posts on recovery and rebuilding. Losses can be tricky and difficult to process, and you can become discouraged. But when you recognize your progress, you will have confidence to keep marching forward.

Yes, You Can

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Yes, You Can | focuswithmarlene.com

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’”

— Erma Bombeck

You have been on a life-altering journey, a journey you had neither anticipated nor wanted.

There have been many unexpected surprises that demanded change, adjustment, a new assessment, and adaptation of plans. Your life has been forever altered.

Taking back the reins of your life requires purpose, choice, and determination.

Brainstorming: How I Worked Through a Problem

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Brainstorming: How I Worked Through a Problem | focuswithmarlene.com

Last week we addressed conflicts and problems that exist between more than one person, and how you can properly identify the problem, given two different perspectives.

This week I share a major problem I faced and how I was able to resolve it.

After the death of my husband, I was faced with a huge financial decline along with a house we had just built, a small mortgage and lack of immediate resources.

My basic problem: What do I do now? What are my options?

What is the Problem? Yours – Mine – Ours

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

What is the Problem? Yours – Mine – Ours | Focuswithmarlene.com

When you learn the basics of problem-solving it will be a skill that you use automatically.

In last week’s post, I outlined five basic components of problem solving; questions you need to ask to find the solution you want. Today you will set the criteria to resolve your problem and learn how to identify exactly what the main problem is.

Identify the problem – define the conflict

Whether the question is how to advance beyond basic survival, how to prepare for your financial future, or how to better communicate with your spouse, it is crucial that the problem be correctly defined.

Unless the problem is correctly defined, you will be trying to rid yourself of emotional distress rather than resolving the actual problem.

Questions I Need to Ask to Find the Solutions I Want

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Questions I Need to Ask to Find the Solutions I Want | focuswithmarlene.com

We experience problems every day that require some kind of action. Most are insignificant, or require little thought, such as, What will I wear today?  Do I want to take the weekend off and get away? We make a decision and move on.

But other problems are more complex with more serious outcomes, such as, How can I make enough money to support my family or care for an aging parent? How do I survive this pandemic?

One problem often has a multitude of other problems attached, each requiring thought and consideration. An aging spouse with health issues may require additional care.

Replacing Habits That Keep You from Being Successful

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Replacing Habits That Keep You from Being Successful

“Successful people are simply those with successful habits.”
—Brian Tracy

To be successful, you need to be in charge of both your time and habits. Chores need to be done but we also need fun and relaxation.

In my recent post, Are Your Habits Sabotaging Your Efforts? you kept a record of how you spent your time each day for a week.

Last week, in Take Charge of Your Time – Take Charge of Your Life, you re-examined the log you kept, and formulated a workable structure for how you spent your time each day.

This week’s post will help you understand how habits are created and reinforced.

Take Charge of Your Time – Take Charge of Your Life

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Take Charge of Your Time – Take Charge of Your Life

What is your daily time routine? Habits and time management go hand-in-hand. If you want to maximize your time, you need to put habits in place that will help you follow those guidelines.

Next week you will learn what keeps habits in place. But first, let’s set up a time management program that works for you.

Time management is more than making to-do lists.

We all make lists of things to be done and then either abandon them or become stressed in the process of trying to get everything done. And we tend to do the things we like doing first and then put the rest on hold until we feel like it.