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Posts Categorized: Make Stress Work For You

Reach Out and Keep Going

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Life can change in the blink of an eye; one minute you are living life to the fullest and the next you are faced with some catastrophe. Whether it is the loss of a job or a loved one who has been diagnosed with a serious illness, you hear yourself cry out, “Please God, No.”

Whatever the situation, whether you have just received some earth-shattering news or you have simply reached a point where everything in life lacks purpose or meaning, it is a place where you recognize as never before your shortcomings and reach out to God for guidance and strength, and friends for support and encouragement.

Letting Go of Unwanted Stress

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Relaxation Audio - Marlene Anderson | Focuswithmarlene.com

Years ago, as part of a design team developing a ten-week program for individuals living with chronic illness and pain, I produced and recorded my first relaxation audio recording for Kaiser Permanente.

I produced a second one some years later with an Emmy-nominated friend who composed the background music for it.

As you listen and follow the instructions in my Relaxation audio, you will focus on the process of breathing. You will tighten different muscle groups, breathe deeply, and then release the tension as you breathe out.

When practiced each day for at least 30 days, you will become aware of where you hold your tension and will learn how to quickly release that tension.

What Turns Normal Stress into Distress

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Every day we get up, go to work, make meals, clean our houses, and try to unwind at the end of the day.  We are adjusting to whatever demands are put on us. When properly channeled, stress provides the energy and adaptability to live happy, energetic, and productive lives.

Each person responds to life differently. What one person sees as overwhelming energizes another. Personality traits and our genetic predisposition play a role in how we perceive and respond to circumstances. But that does not mean we are locked into only one way of responding to life’s challenges.

When we recognize and understand what creates a negative stress response for us, we can alter our approach and put that stress to work for us instead of against us.

Understanding the Benefits of Stress

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Properly channeled, stress enables us to live happy, energetic, productive lives. It enables us to meet dangers and defend ourselves.

We live in stressful times, constantly bombarded with change and the need to go faster and faster while still maintaining a high level of productivity. As more and more demands are put on us, worry and anxiety become the norm.

But along with unexpected tragedies, adversities, losses, and unwanted changes, we can enjoy times of incredible joy and happiness. We can make stress work for us. Click to learn how to make stress work for you.

Getting to Know You

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Adjust Your Focus: Reframe Your Circumstances | FocusWithMarlene.com

When we meet someone new, we say, Hi, my name is_____________, and start a conversation.

As that conversation continues, we gradually get to know one another. So, for those who are new followers of my blog and podcast, I would like to formally introduce myself.

Hi, I am Marlene Anderson and I write and speak on how you can take advantage of any challenge, turning it into something positive and meaningful. (You can learn more about me on my website About page and Speaking & Workshops page.)

As a former licensed counselor and college teacher, I share my training and life experiences, offering strategies to help you tackle life’s challenges. These become a toolbox of approaches that can be used to combat fear and anxiety, recognize and solve problems, and take charge of your life.

How to Make Stress Work for You

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Make Stress Work For You by Marlene Anderson | focuswithmarlene.com

If you find yourself struggling to get out of bed in the morning, anxious about the day awaiting you, you are not alone. We are living in a time of great uncertainty, which causes stress levels to escalate.

Anxiety and fear take center stage, and we struggle to find ways to make life normal again. Often the symptoms are so devastating, it becomes harder and harder to identify the underlying problems.

When our ability to think is compromised, our ability to find resolutions is compromised.

When we try to cope without identifying the underlying core issues, we end up going round and round in circles. Stress levels not only continue to escalate but remain high day after day.

Four Catastrophic Traps Couples Fall Into

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Four Catastrophic Traps Couples Fall Into | focuswithmarlene.com

Everything was going so nicely, and then life stepped in. There’s not enough money to pay the bills, the credit card debts are piling up, in-laws intrude with too many visits or too much advice, to keep my job I have to work longer hours and accomplish more.

Suddenly we find ourselves arguing more – tempers flare, anger rises beyond the norm, and the blame game begins. We go outside our marriage to talk about our spouses and get consolation, validation, sympathy, and support.

And the scene is set for more serious troubles.

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman lays out in a practical format the seven principles for making marriage work, based on years of research and study in his Seattle based clinic, The Gottman Institute.

12 Ways to Promote Good Communication

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

12 Ways to Promote Good Communication | focuswithmarlene.com

Communication is a skill that is learned and developed over time. When we recognize what isn’t working, we can replace it with something that will work.

We communicate all the time. We cannot not communicate. With our facial gestures, postures, words, or attempts to change the other person, we need to know how to become the type of communicator who respects ourselves and others.

Knowing yourself is vital in becoming a good communicator.

You need to know what triggers your stress buttons or emotional upsets, your fears of being hurt or looking stupid. Finding ways of dealing with adversity are often hidden from you until you are willing to accept yourself unconditionally, with both the good and the bad. When you feel okay to face your vulnerabilities you are taking charge of your interactions and your life, and that is reflected in your conversations.

That’s Not What I Meant: 6 Tips to Improve Your Communication

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

That’s Not What I Meant | focuswithmarlene.com

“But you said. . . ”
“No, I didn’t. . . ”
“Yes, I heard you say. . . ”
“Well, that’s not what I meant!”

And so, it goes – round and round and round and we end up with two angry people who continue to find ways to attack, defend and destroy each other.

Anger builds as each continues to dig in their heels and insist they are right, and the other is wrong. You probably have had such conversations or have witnessed them. Discussions at this point soon move into the blame game:

“You always try to pin the blame on me. If you were here instead of out golfing, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Oh, and how about you – out shopping again.”

The conversation has gone beyond misunderstanding and name calling.

Relationships Under Stress

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Relationships Under Stress | focuswithmarlene.com

 So many things that contribute to high levels of stress in today’s world. Not having a job, home schooling while maintaining a job, unexpected financial concerns, trimming our budgets to bare bones, travel restrictions, and the inability to enjoy social functions, are but a few.

When the cares of the day max our ability to cope, we find that those high levels of stress can make it harder to maintain positive relationships.

We know that anxiety levels can dramatically rise as optimism flies out the window and worry about our future takes over. Anger, guilt, and shame are quickly activated. Learning to calm ourselves through slow, even breathing whenever stress levels rise is imperative.