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Posts Categorized: Relationships

We are all teachers

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

I have had some excellent teachers in my life and some that were downright lousy. In school they played an important role in helping me understand difficult subjects so I could learn.

What makes a good teacher?

For me, a good teacher is someone who is interested in helping you learn. They define their topics and goals and the steps needed to accomplish them and offer encouragement and motivation to achieve. As parents, we are also teachers.

Learning is a lifelong process. As a parent, we are teaching our children about how to be responsible adults as they go through childhood.

In my blog, Navigation, I wrote about the importance of rewarding children for the tiny steps they make toward a predetermined goal. Some children will need many tiny steps that are rewarded as they move toward the ultimate goal.

Come Out and Play

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Become a kid again

There is a kid in all of us. Sometimes we tie him up so he can’t say, “I’m tired of working so hard. I want to go play.”

Every kid needs time to play. That is true for us as adults as well. There is a kid in each of us who wants to fling out his arms and race down the hill with wild abandon while laughing for the sheer joy of laughing.

Play for the health of it

Play is that medium that releases the bubble of life inside each of us, inviting us to get off the merry-go-round of schedules and simply be. It liberates us from the pressure of work, stress and time constraints to let go and have fun.

Play – it can be individual or a group effort. It can be the simple act of working on a project that has no merit other than it is fun and pleasing in some way. It may be a solitaire state of being as you sit and watch an ant hard at work gathering and collecting bits of food, or a spider deviously waiting on his web of deception for that unsuspecting insect to land and be captured.

Navigation

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

My husband and I were sailors. No, we didn’t take off across the oceans to see far-away places.

But we did navigate up and down the coast of Oregon and Washington, maneuvered rivers where ocean freight liners traveled and cruised the San Juan and Canadian Gulf Islands.

To begin sailing or cruising, the first thing you learn is the basics of navigation: where the invisible lanes are in the water, who has the right of way, how to read a “chart”, etc.

Without this knowledge you can quickly end up on the rocks, in shoals or stuck on sandbars.

The Basic Rules of Navigation – Behavioral Management

The basic rules we teach our children can help them navigate through the rocks and shoals of life. It tells them what to expect, why it is important and the consequences of ignoring them.

Rules of the Road

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

Can you imagine getting in your car and driving down the freeway without first going through driver’s training to learn what you could and could not do? And to know that others also were required to get such training.

We may get annoyed with speed limits, aggressive drivers, etc. but the “rules of the road” help us drive with some sense of safety and precaution.

There are “rules of the road” of life in general that we need to learn; social, cultural, psychological, physical, spiritual. We learn manners, respect for others, compassion, restrictions, limitations, time management and how to care for ourselves. We learn the basics of problem solving and critical thinking and how to discern and evaluate choices.

We take these everyday rules for granted but without them, civilization as we know it would soon deteriorate.

I’m Not a Parent – Should I Continue?

If your parenting years are behind you, you may be wondering what this series on parenting can offer you. There are several reasons why this would be relevant at any time.

Three Keys to Unlock Healthy Potential

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

We often approach parenting as something that simply occurs over time without much thought. We have daycare, both parents working, career building and long distance family members. And yet, we all know that parenting involves more.

Our kids need our time, not only to teach them how to abide by rules, respect others and learn to cooperate, but also to help them develop positive self esteem, socialization skills and responsibility.

The importance of being a good parent is oftentimes underrated and not fully appreciated. And yet, it is one of the most important jobs we will ever have.

Unconditional Love, Discipline and Grace

I believe there are three very important but basic things we can give our children as they grow up: unconditional love, discipline (structure) and grace. I like to think of it as 3 keys to unlocking the healthy potential for our children.

Unconditional Love

To feel good about himself, a child needs to feel acceptance and love. Unconditional love says to our child I love and accept you just as you are; you are valued even when I disapprove and am unhappy with your behavior.

It does not mean that they can do whatever they want to do, when they want, or to whom they want. It does not mean that bad manners, being disrespectful or inconsiderate is tolerated or accepted. We love the child but reprimand and correct the behaviors. Misbehavior or hurtful behavior is not acceptable, but they are.

When a child feels loved, they can work on correcting behaviors that are not up to standard and

Do we ever leave Parenting?

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

As we start the New Year, I am continuing my series on Relationships. In this new section, the focus will be on families and parenting and the importance of being an integral part of your child’s upbringing.

In a busy world where more and more time is consumed in making a living, finding quality time to be with our children can be a challenge.

But whether you are a parent or a grandparent, this essential time spent with our families is vital to the health and wellbeing of our children and grandchildren, not only physically, but mentally and spiritually.

Families of Origin

We are a mixture of many things: our personality traits (our habitual patterns of behavior, thought, and emotion), DNA, where we were born, our position in the family, the culture we grow up in, all the experiences we have had, etc.

An Invitation

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)

We have heard the story so many times in Christmas cards, articles and sermons. It is a familiar and treasured tradition – a tradition that today is being challenged on many fronts.

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:11 -King James Version (KJV)

Who is this God

Who is this God who sent His Son as a vulnerable baby to a self-serving world of treachery and deceit? A God who loves us more than we can imagine. A God who knocks gently at our hearts and waits for us to invite Him in.

Peace

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

This last weekend, the Skagit Valley Chorale gave two sold-out performances at McIntyre Hall in Mt. Vernon, WA.

This year’s program was a departure from our more traditional selection. Joining with our 100+ singing group was a Big Band Jazz orchestra. Together with a talented announcer, commercials and special spots, we replicated a 1940’s radio show.

Audience and performers alike loved it.

It is our tradition at the end of our Christmas concerts that the members of the chorale go down into the aisles of the audience to sing our closing number, “Peace, Peace”. It is a moving experience for both singers and people in the audience.

This year, a friend of mine who came for the first time to one of our concerts told me afterwards that when we sang “Peace Peace” in the aisles surrounding them on all sides, it was like having an “invisible blanket of peace wrapped around them.”

For God So Loved the World…..

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

“For God so loved the world….”

Love: It seems we use it so casually – superficially – sometimes even flippantly. We often demean it or reduce it to levels of lustful desire.

God: we exploit Him for our own purposes –throw Him in the trash can when we are no longer interested – group Him together with all the superficial little gods we create to make us feel good.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son to die for us.”

In this simple statement God and love come together in a comprehensive understanding. We are told exactly what kind of love God is offering us: one that is solemn and significant enough that it will die for us. People are being killed today in the name of some god. But would a god of hate die for us? I don’t think so.

Love – we have diminished it – tarnished its value, while desperately needing it. We need to receive it – we need to give it. We cannot live without it.

Leftovers

Posted by Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC

I love leftovers. I love Thanksgiving dinners: turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and all the other special foods and recipes brought out for our traditional dinners.

But I enjoy the leftovers almost as much: warmed in the microwave, I continue to savor that turkey, stuffing and warm gravy.

However, there is more than just the food leftovers that I want to take home with me. I want to take the camaraderie, the moments of laughter when the past wasn’t remembered and the moment was simply enjoyed.

As we stopped and listened to each other for a moment longer than usual, took time to thank and appreciate all the work and effort of our host and hostess it left a glow of togetherness, friendship and closeness.