As I work with my editor on the final edit of my book, From Winter to Spring, I am reminded of how important the relationship I shared with my husband had been. A chapter from this book entitled, Entwining Roots, reflect that special relationship.
“There are two trees in my backyard. Their trunks touching, roots entwining, they reach high into the sky – together – yet separate. They symbolize the life I shared with my husband – a love as deep and connected as the entwining and supporting roots of these two trees.
We nurtured each other while allowing the other the independence to grow in their own way. That tree has now been cut down and I stand alone.”
When we go through the death of a loved one, we are reminded of how important they were to the fabric of our lives.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship
that makes unhappy marriages.” Friedrich Nietzsche
We worked together to raise our family, take care of ailing parents and the raising of two special needs children.
While there were moments of conflict and disagreements, we both held our relationship in high esteem and more important than anything else.
“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love.
Love risks degenerating into obsession,
friendship is never anything but sharing.”
We determine the depth of our friendships. We can choose to “work” on building a strong, positive relationship or focus on all the things that irritate us about our spouse.
Together but still lonely
In an article posted in psychology today, it talks about being together in a marriage but still lonely and gives 3 ways we can connect with the “distant person next to you on the couch.”
1. Take the initiative. If you are lonely, your partner probably is as well. Make a decision to start that conversation and be sensitive to listening
2. Create shared experiences. If you want to have a relationship, you can’t always spend your lives in different rooms of the house. You need to share what is important to each of you. Tell your spouse what is important to you and encourage your spouse to do the same. Schedule time to be together and do things together.
3. Practice taking their perspective. We may think we know what the other is thinking and take for granted the marriage. But research indicates we do not know what is truly important to the other. The more you can understand your partner’s thoughts and feelings and identify with them, the deeper your mutual bond will become.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself
— and especially to feel, or not feel.
Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them.
That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”
We need strong friends to help weather the storms of life. Our spouses can be more than just working partners, but be that strong, best friend who supports us.
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