Like Jacob of the Old Testament we have done all we could to make amends; yet in our resolve we realize it is not enough to make things right. Like Job we angrily confront God. We had done all the things we believed were right.
Yet life with all its unfairness has targeted us, leaving us in great pain, confusion and thousands of unanswered questions.
As the losses in our life continue to mount, we are left exhausted, curled in a fetal position, depressed, unable to move, without hope or motivation. We give up.
And it is there, in the darkness of the night, that we wrestle with ourselves and our God.
All the unwanted changes have produced a darkness in our soul. And we are left to question not only decisions we have made, but our values and core beliefs about God and life in general. As the struggle intensifies, we try to put some perspective on what we are experiencing. It is not a comfortable place to be.
And yet, it is not only where we need to be, it is where we will find peace and meaning. It is where we experience God and in our surrender receive His peace and assurances.
As we uncover truths about ourselves, our lifestyles, fears and inabilities, we may want to withdraw and isolate ourselves. We do not want others to see our brokenness.
We build walls around our spirits and psyches to protect them from further hurt and disappointments. Yet when we do, we are walling in the acid of pain that gradually erodes our mental, physical and emotional self.
In the darkness of the night we may find ourselves depressed, giving up, whipped. We have struggled and felt we have lost. But it is there that God reaches out to us with a word, a symbol, a person, a long forgotten biblical truth, a remembrance of the many times God has shown us His face, and we find in that surrender to Him, not only peace, but a new surge of energy, a new strength, a new perspective.
It is in the middle of the struggle where we gain knowledge. It is not only a place of surrender and acceptance, but receiving from God exactly what we need.
Not only is our life enriched; it will never be the same. We have wrestled and came through to the morning of new understanding, faith and hope. In that surrender and acceptance we are not only given peace and a new insurgence of energy, but joy.
Working through pain is never easy. But it is where we find healing and recovery.
©2013 Marlene Anderson