Acceptance means we let go and stop struggling so we can make new choices. We consciously acknowledge the situations we find ourselves.
Acceptance is where we stop fighting the reality that my spouse has died, my marriage is over, my teen is hooked on drugs, my finances are in the tank and the outcome of my medical tests was not what I wanted to hear. Nothing I do seems to work out. The list goes on and on.
Acceptance is not dismissing our loss, pain, anger or frustration. It just means we stop fighting or resisting what has happened, and recognize the reality of our circumstances.
Your world may have been brought to an abrupt halt. It is often a painful place full of unanswered questions, confusion, and doubts. It isn’t denying how we feel but purposefully moving through the pain. In coming to terms with whatever has happened, we find new ways to take charge of our lives.
Acceptance says I don’t have to have all the answers or need to pretend that I do.
Acceptance is not the end. It is the beginning. It is where we take from the ashes of our tragedies and losses and begin the process of creating something new. Letting go does not diminish what we had. It doesn’t mean we are giving up. It just frees us to take the next step.
Situations influence the choices we make but does not automatically dictate those choices.
Taking Charge vs Controlling
When we are controlling, we are closed to new information. Old rigid ways of doing things dictate what we can and cannot do. When we take charge, we are open to new ideas and new ways of doing things. We can examine, evaluate and choose the best way.
If you were to clench your hand into a fist you would soon find it exhausting. Ask yourself: With my fist clenched, can I pick anything up or take something from someone? The longer you hold a fist the harder you have to work to keep it closed.
Now relax and open your hand – palm up. With an open hand, you can accept things, pick things up, and use them in some way.
When our minds are closed in a “fist” of control, we are unable to see alternatives or consider other ways of doing things. We cannot see another’s position or opinion that might differ from ours. We become closed and rigid and controlling.
You are making choices every minute of the day. In fact, you “cannot” not make choices. Not making a choice is still a choice. Acceptance simply allows you to make better, more informed choices. Sometimes options are limited. But we can brainstorm as many as possible.
Remember: How you choose to work with a problem can either undermine the desired outcome or bring it about.
Choices require hard work and a willingness to try more than once. Rather than giving up, you change directions or consider other options.
When faced with unwanted change or loss, we are facing the unknown and struggle to fit this new reality into our norm. We have never been here before and there is no ready roadmap. We are charting a new course as we go along.
We may feel anger or righteous indignation that makes acceptance difficult. There may be a deep and unspoken fear that if I let go I will end up with nothing. But hanging on does not serve you.
Acceptance is not giving up. It is not resignation. It is opening your hand and allowing new information to meld with the old. Acceptance means I do not have to stay in this uncomfortable spot, spinning round and round in my head the disaster that has just happened. Yes, it takes time to grieve my loss. But I also look for ways to heal and recover.
Acceptance tells me
I am okay no matter what has happened – I can begin again.
I can learn and gain from any experience
I don’t need to have all the answers and I don’t need to pretend I do. I can ask for help when I need it. Acceptance tells me I am okay no matter what has happened. I don’t have to remain in a blame game. I accept my vulnerability as I reach out to God and others.
Acceptance means I no longer have to run from
my fears, anxieties, and concerns –
I can face them directly and honestly.
New choices give us freedom; freedom to align our wants with our beliefs and values. It serves as an opportunity to grow and reflect on where I want to go.
How do you meet your tragedies? Can you allow yourself time to grieve while still looking for new ways to move forward? What can I take away from this situation that will serve me in the future?
If you enjoyed this blog post, share with your friends.
Sign up today to receive the entire series: http://eepurl.com/baaiQ1
To Receive a Free Consultation for putting together a Personal Plan of Action for yourself, fill out the contact form beside this blog or send me an e-mail. I am also available for speaking engagements, retreats or teaching workshops for your church, clubs or women’s groups on a variety of topics that affect our lives.