Listen to this episode of the Focus with Marlene Podcast
As I finish this series of blog posts and podcast episodes associated with my book, Learning to Live Again in a New World, I want to leave you with some thoughts.
Healing from a major loss is not easy and isn’t accomplished in a few months or even a year. It is a process that involves coming to terms with something you had not expected or wanted.
Taking charge of rebuilding your life will empower you to step out in confidence.
You have completed and applied the suggestions given in the last six month’s posts on recovery and rebuilding. Losses can be tricky and difficult to process, and you can become discouraged. But when you recognize your progress, you will have confidence to keep marching forward.
Acceptance and letting go started the process of rebuilding.
Taking charge of the nitty-gritty details of life and making them work for you has been another defining step. Recognizing the nuggets of blessings and gratitude have given you a new confidence.
Before we complete this series on learning to live again, I want to leave you with these final thoughts.
1. Be patient and loving with yourself.
It takes time to recover and rebuild. Learning and applying new skills take time.
2. Formulate realistic expectations for your future.
Temper your expectations with a reality you can work with. Don’t expect to climb Mt. Everest without learning mountain climbing. Be prepared to experience ongoing setbacks and challenges. That is life.
3. Use resistance to your advantage.
You can resist accepting and remain stuck in your grief and loss, or you can resist letting problems take control of your life. Two mantras I use whenever I get discouraged are, “yes, I can,” and “I refuse.” I can accomplish what needs to be done and I refuse to let unwanted challenges take me down.
4. Nurture confidence in yourself.
We are made stronger in our weakness. Accept both your weaker side and your stronger side. We are a combination of both. Refuse to compare yourself with others.
Comparisons are deadly because we tend to compare our inadequacies with another’s strong points.
5. Choose your focus.
Your focus is where you decide to put your attention. It becomes the cornerstone for everything you do. It is where you put your day-to-day emphasis. You can focus on everything that isn’t working, or you can focus on all the things that are working. It’s an attitude. It’s a mindset.
6. Take one new skill at a time that you want to apply to your life and work with it.
Maybe it is better time management. Maybe it is becoming more grateful. Maybe it is learning to recognize your problems so you can work on them.
7. Become a master problem solver.
Learn to recognize underlying problems that are creating anxiety and distress. Some problems have been there awhile and may take a little time to identify the root cause.
The more you focus on resolving problems vs. focusing on symptoms, the quicker you will be able to resolve them.
8. Laugh and enjoy life.
Laugh at your inadequacies. Laugh at life – whatever it hands you. When you can accept and laugh at yourself you can appreciate and love yourself. You become honest and genuine. Having fun and enjoying life is as important as accomplishing goals.
9. Let go of resentments.
Hanging onto them and feeding them will not give you the justice or satisfaction you desire. Resentments will eat you up – they will destroy you. The justice you believe you need will never be satisfying enough. Instead, they become giant roadblocks to anything positive in your life.
10. Live your values.
It is who you are. It defines your character. It tells others what kind of person you are; trustworthy, honest, responsible, loyal, and dependable. Character is a work in progress for each of us.
You are a wonderful human being, made by our Heavenly Father, with talents and aptitudes unique to you. You are needed in this community of people. We all gain when we share our stories and challenges and resolutions with others.
We need validation for the turmoil of thoughts and emotions we experience. But we also need the tools necessary to create a new beginning that is both satisfying and meaningful. My new book, Learning to Live Again in a New World, offers those tools to help work through the problems you might be facing.